forwarded 11/09/98 02:36:53 PM EXPERTS WARN OF THREAT FROM 100GB BUG Firebringer News Service (FBNS) - Experts warned today of a new and deadly threat to our beleaguered civilization: the 100GB Bug. As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or even weeks, that number will roll over to 100GB. McDonald's signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote. So the signs have only two decimal places. This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's signs will read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict, will convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald's hamburgers have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer confidence in McDonald's products. The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales is seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into bankruptcy. This, in turn, will push the teetering American economy over the brink, which, finally, will complete the total devastation of the global economy, ending civilization as we know it, and forcing us all to live on beetles. "The people who know -- the sign-makers -- are really scared of 100GB," one expert said. "I don't know about you, but I'm digging up a copy of THE FIELD GUIDE TO NORTH AMERICAN INSECTS and heading for the hills." Article 7649 of rice.comp.general: Path: rice!rice-gateway!mail2rnews Newsgroups: rice.comp.general From: Moshe Vardi Date: Tue, 16 Feb 1999 13:00:51 -0600 (CST) Message-ID: <199902161900.NAA21000@shalom.cs.rice.edu> X-To: msgs@cs.rice.edu Subject: Y2K Distribution: rice Lines: 35 Xref: rice rice.comp.general:7649 >Dear Boss: > >I hope that I haven't misunderstood your instructions. Because to be >honest, none of this Y to K problem makes any sense to me. At any rate >I have finished the conversion of all of the months on all the company >calendars for next year (year 2000). The calendars have returned from >the printer and are ready to be distributed with the following new months: > > Januark > Februark > Mak > Julk > >I've also changed the following days: > > Mondak > Tuesdak > Wednesdak > Thursdak > Fridak > Saturdak > Sundak > >In general, all references to "Day" were changed to "Dak" (e.g. >"President's >Dak"). And all references to "Birthday" were changed to "Birthdak" (e.g. >"Washington's Birthdak"). > >I had a hard time deciding about "New Year's Day", "Martin Luther King, >Jr. Day", "Yom Kippur", and "Hanukkah", but I finally changed them to "New >Kear's Dak", "Martin Luther Ying, Jr. Dak", "Kom Yippur", and "Hanuyyah". > Date: Wed, 22 Apr 1998 12:27:25 -0700 (14:27 CDT) Two Digits for a Date (to the tune of "Gilligan's Island," more or less) Author Unknown Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale Of the doom that is our fate. That started when programmers used Two digits for a date. Two digits for a date. Main memory was smaller then; Hard disks were smaller, too. "Four digits are extravagant, So let's get by with two. So let's get by with two." "This works through 1999," The programmers did say. "Unless we rewrite before that It all will go away. It all will go away." But Management had not a clue: "It works fine now, you bet! A rewrite is a straight expense; We won't do it just yet. We won't do it just yet." Now when 2000 rolls around It all goes straight to Hell, For zero's less than ninety-nine, As anyone can tell. As anyone can tell. The mail won't bring your pension check It won't be sent to you When you're no longer sixty-eight, But minus thirty-two. But minus thirty-two. The problems we're about to face Are frightening, for sure. And reading every line of code's The only certain cure. The only certain cure. [key change, big finish] There's not much time, There's too much code. (And Cobol-coders, few) When the century is finished with, We may be finished, too. We may be finished, too. Eight thousand years from now I hope That things weren't left too late, And people aren't then lamenting Four digits for a date. Four digits for a date.