Date: Mon, 27 Jul 1998 14:36:34 -0700 (PDT)


> > SUBJ: Abbott & Costello Meet UNIX
> >
> > A Customer calls a UNIX consultant with a question ...
> >
> > Customer: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of
> > a program?
> >
> > UNIX consul: Yes, that's correct.
> >
> > Customer: No, what is it?
> >
> > UNIX consul: Yes.
> >
> > Customer: So, which is the one?
> >
> > UNIX consul: No. 'which' is used to find the program.
> >
> > Customer: Stop this. Who are you?
> >
> > UNIX consul: Use 'who am i' not 'who r yoo'. You can also 'finger
> > yoo' to get information about yoo'.
> >
> > Customer: All I want to know is what finds the revision code?
> >
> > UNIX consul: Use 'what'.
> >
> > Customer: That's what I am trying to find out. Isn't that true?
> >
> > UNIX consul: No. 'true' gives you 0.
> >
> > Customer: Which one?
> >
> > UNIX consul: 'true' gives you 0. 'which programname'
> >
> > Customer: Let's get back to my problem. What program? How do I find
> > it?
> >
> > UNIX consul: Type 'find / -name it -print' to find 'it'. Type 'what
> > program' to get the revision code.
> >
> > Customer: I want to find the revision code.
> >
> > UNIX consul: You can't 'find revisioncode', you must use 'what
> > program'.
> >
> > Customer: Which command will do what I need?
> >
> > UNIX consul: No. 'which command' will find 'command'.
> >
> > Customer: I think I understand. Let me write that.
> >
> > UNIX consul: You can 'write that' only if 'that' is a user on your
> > system.
> >
> > Customer: Write what?
> >
> > UNIX consul: No. 'write that'. 'what program'.
> >
> > Customer: Cut that out!
> >
> > UNIX consul: Yes. those are valid files for 'cut'. Don't forget the
> > options.
> >
> > Customer: Do you always do this?
> >
> > UNIX consul: 'du' will give you disk usage.
> >
> > Customer: HELP!
> >
> > UNIX consul: 'help' is only used for Source Code Control System
> > (SCCS).
> >
> > Customer: You make me angry.
> >
> > UNIX consul: No, I don't 'make me' angry but I did 'make programname'
> > when I was upset once.
> >
> > Customer: I don't want to make trouble, so no more.
> >
> > UNIX consul: No 'more'? 'which' will help you find 'more'. Every
> > system has 'more'.
> >
> > Customer: Nice help! I'm confused more now!
> >
> > UNIX consul: Understand that since 'help' is such a small program,
> > it is better not to 'nice help' and 'more now' is not allowed but
> > 'at now' is. Unless of course 'now' is a file name.
> >
> > Customer: This is almost as confusing as my PC.
> >
> > UNIX consul: I didn't know you needed help with 'pc'. Let me get you
> > to the Pascal compiler team.
>