Date: Mon, 15 Apr 1996 12:16:11 -0700 TAX QUOTES Where there's a will, there's an Inheritance Tax. The reward of energy, enterprise and thrift - is taxes. --W. Feather In this world nothing is certain but death and taxes. --Benjamin Franklin Foreign Aid - taxing poor people in rich countries for the benefit of rich people in poor countries. --Bernard Rosenberg Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. --F.J. Raymond You know it's a bad day when your income tax refund check bounces. I believe we should all pay our tax bill with a smile. I tried -- but they wanted cash. --Anon. Why does a slight tax increase cost you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut save you thirty cents? --Peg Bracken Any reasonable system of taxation would be based on the slogan of 'Soak the Rich'. --Heywood Broun The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --Will Rogers (Attrib.) Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today. --Herman Wouk The income tax people are very nice. They're letting me keep my own mother. --Henny Youngman There is only one thing worse than the flu season; the tax season. You can recover from the flu. The best things in life are free, but sooner or later the government will find a way to tax them. Bumper snicker: Save Our Trees. Stop Printing Tax Forms! All the taxes paid over a lifetime by the average American are spent by the government in less than a second. -- Jim Fiebig According to the tax bill signed by President Reagan on December 22, 1987, Don Tyson and his sister-in-law Barbara run a "family farm." Their "farm" has 25,000 employees and grosses $1.7 billion a year. But as a "family farm" they get tax breaks that save them $135 million a year. Baseball is a skilled game. It's America's game -- it, and high taxes. --Will Rogers Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors, and miss. --Lazarus Long, "Time Enough for Love" I owe the government $3400 in taxes. So I sent them two hammers and a toilet seat. --Sue Murphy I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is -- I could be just as proud for half the money. --Arthur Godfrey Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. --H. L. Mencken Q: Why do people pay taxes? A: To help out the government -- so the government doesn't have to pay for everything. Death and taxes are inevitable; at least death doesn't get worse every year. There is nothing more permanent than a temporary tax. Taxpayers don't have to take a civil service exam to work for the government. There is only one way to kill capitalism--by taxes, taxes, and more taxes. Micro-Ap, a manufacturing company based in Londonderry, N.H., paid $18, 267.40 in taxes last year. In September, the firm received a bill from the Internal Revenue Service for 1 cent, plus a penalty of $194.72. A fine is a tax for doing something wrong. A tax is a fine for doing something right. Isn't it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool's Day and ends with cries of "May Day!"? --Rob Knauerhase