>>Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in
>>various church bulletins.
>
>>1.  Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help.
>>2.  Thursday night - Potluck supper.  Prayer and medication to follow.
>>3.  Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and
>>    community.
>>4.  For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a
>>    nursery downstairs.
>>5.  The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of
>>    David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
>>6.  This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends
>>    of the church.  Children will be baptized at both ends.
>>7.  Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social.  All ladies
>>    giving milk will please come early.
>>8.  Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet.  Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put
>>    me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor.
>>9.  Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers
>>    Club.  All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the
>>    Pastor in his study.
>>10.  This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward
>>     and lay an egg on the alter.
>>11.  The service will close with "Little Drops of Water."  One of the
>>     ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will
>>     join in.
>>12.  Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost
>>     of the new carpet.  All those wishing to do something on the new
>>     carpet will come foreward and do so.
>>13.  The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind.
>>     They can be seen in the church basement Saturday.
>>14.  A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall.
>>     Music will follow.
>>15.  At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is
>>     Hell?"  Come early and listen to our choir practice.



(Message inbox:6782)
Date: Fri, 24 Jan 1997 17:00:16 -0800

>Actual messages taken from Church Newsletters
>====================
>The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who 
>are not afflicted with any church.
>
>The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10.  All ladies are 
>invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
>
>Evening massage - 6 pm.
>
>The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend 
>him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
>
>The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
>
>Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm.  Please 
>use the back door.
>
>ANNOINTING OF THE SICK . . . If you are going to be hospitalized for an 
>operation, contact the pastor.  Special prayer also for those who are 
>seriously sick by request.
>
>Usher will eat latecomers.
>
>The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical 
>accomplishment.
>
>The sermon this morning:  WOMEN IN THE CHURCH  The closing song:  RISE UP, O 
>MEN OF GOD
>
>The sermon this morning:  GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL  The closing 
>song:  I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY
>
>The sermon this morning:  CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA  The 
>closing song:  TAKE MY LIFE
>
>The sermon this morning:  PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL?  The closing 
>song:  I'LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO
>
>