Date: Tue, 15 Oct 1996 16:19:15 -0700 (PDT)
From: Melissa Cline



How Not to Rob a Bank

   The following is an excerpt from Tim Clark's "How Not to Rob a Bank"
Here
are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of
would-be
robbers.

PICK THE RIGHT BANK

   You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA,
who
tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.

STUDY YOUR HISTORY

   Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield,
Minnesota.
Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven
minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang.  Nobody tried again
until
1984, and the customers chased the guy down.  They're tight with their
dollar, those Minnesotans.

SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER

   One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her
father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He
wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.

DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE

   Demand notes have been written on the back of a subpoena issued in
the
name of a bank robber in Pittsburgh... on an envelope bearing the name
and
address of another in Detroit....and in East Hartford, Connecticut, on
the
back of a withdrawal slip giving the robber's signature and account
number.

DON'T ADVERTISE

   A teenage girl in Los Angeles tried to distract attention from her
face
by wearing a see-through blouse with no bra while holding up banks.

GO EASY ON THE DISGUISE

   One robber, dressed up as a woman with very heavy make-up, ran face
first into a glass door. He was the first criminal ever to be positively
identified by lip-print.

TAKE RIGHT TURNS ONLY

   Avoid the sad fate of the thieves in Florida who took a wrong turn
into
the Homestead Air Force Base, drove up to a military police guardhouse
and,
thinking it was a toll-booth, offered the security men money.

BE AWARE OF THE TIME

   Or the chagrin of the bank robber in Cheshire, Massachusetts, who hit
the
bank at 4:30 PM, then tried to escape through downtown North Adams,
where he
was trapped in rush hour traffic until police arrived.

CONSIDER ANOTHER LINE OF WORK

   Bank robbery is not for everyone. One nervous Newport, RI robber,
while
trying to stuff his ill-gotten gains into his shirt pocket, shot himself
in
the head and died instantly.

BE STRONG
   Then there was the case of the hopeful criminal in Swansea,
Massachusetts, who, when the teller told him she had no money, fainted.
He was still unconscious when the police arrived. His getaway car,
parked
nearby, had the keys locked inside it.