> From New York: Veal cutlets, anyone? ... it's THE TOP TEN LIST for Monday,
  November 14, 1994.  And now, a man who fits snugly into your purse, 
  briefcase or back pocket ... David Letterman!

> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...

TOP TEN SIGNS THE MICHAEL JACKSON/LISA MARIE MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE

10. Michael looking pale and weird lately.

 9. Their Christmas card is a copy of their pre-nuptial agreement.

 8. They no longer share the Maybelline.

 7. Michael living in a Motel 6 outside of Rochester, N.Y.

 6. Lisa Marie now dating Richard Simmons.

 5. She likes Wendy's; he's an Arby's man.

 4. Lisa Marie refused to take the four-year intensive NASA training 
    program that would teach her to moonwalk.

 3. She's making eyes at other androgynous freaks.

 2. She's found out "Neverland" refers to their sex life.

 1. He's grabbing himself again.

        [Music: "Heartbreak Hotel"]


Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1994 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.
Used with permission.