Sent: Monday, February 07, 2000 12:07 PM
Subject: Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO

Top 10 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO:

10. Your annual breast exam is conducted at Hooters.

9. Directions to your doctor's office include, "Take a left when you
enter the trailer park."

8. The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

7. The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

6. The only item listed under Preventive Care coverage is "An apple a day."

5. Your "primary care physician" is wearing the pants you gave to
   Goodwill last month.

4. "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges" is
    not a typo.

3. The only expense covered 100% is embalming.

2. With your last HMO, your Prozac didn't come in different colors with
   little "M"s on them.

And the Number 1 Sign You've Joined a Cheap HMO ...

1. You ask for Viagra; you get a Popsicle stick and duct tape.