> From New York: The best damn city in the world ... it's THE 
  TOP TEN LIST for Monday, July 3, 1995.  And now, America's 
  number one soccer hooligan ... David Letterman!

> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...

TOP TEN WAYS THE U.S. WOULD BE DIFFERENT IF THE NEXT PRESIDENT
WERE A DOG

[Originally broadcast 7/8/94]
      
10. Doggy door on oval office

 3. Country really run by dog's smarter poodle wife

 2. Here's your new national anthem: [Audio clip of dogs barking 
    "Jingle Bells"]

 8. Goodbye Whitewater scandal; hello toilet bowl water scandal

 7. Washington Monument replaced with hundred-story fire hydrant

 6. U.S. might have more coherent foreign policy

 4. Secret Service & CIA dispatched to catch that little chuck wagon

 9. At press conferences, instead of "Mr. President," reporters would
   shout, "Here, fella!"