> From New York: Restrooms for customers only ... it's THE TOP TEN LIST
for Tuesday, November 1, 1994.  And now, a man born with the power to 
cloud men's minds ... David Letterman!

> From the home office in Sioux City, Iowa ...

TOP TEN SURPRISING FACTS ABOUT THE AVERAGE AMERICAN

10. In course of life, will eat own weight in Slim Jims.

9. Has had at least one sexual encounter with a Gabor sister.

8. Can name more Ninja Turtles than Supreme Court Justices.

7. Can't stand them no-good, stinkin' Swedes.

6. Watches 14 hours of television a day, none of it CBS.

5. Thinks Thomas Jefferson was "that funny black guy who was married to 
   Weezie."

4. Has the mathematical abilities of a Clydesdale.

3. Has been rejected from the Simpson jury three times.

2. Thinks that Ebert could beat the crap out of Siskel.

1. Hates job. Hates spouse. Hates life. Loves Cheetos.

Compiled by Sue Trowbridge
The Top Ten List is Copyright (C) 1994 Worldwide Pants, Incorporated.