Autumn Spivey
WMST 101
Moira P. Baker
Oral History Project
10/08/01
“I get my hair done on Friday, I have a meeting on Wednesday, and I will be gone all day on Tuesday running errands.” Trying to schedule an interview with an extremely busy woman is a job of its own. Time is limited when most of it is spent at church conferences, on the road volunteering, and then, naturally, at the beauty shop. But when it’s your grandmother, time is always made, especially for the only grandchild. We had planned to spend the entire day together on Monday, go to lunch, Red Lobster of course, then shopping. She pulled into the driveway about 12 noon and we were on the road.
Grandma had on her blue jeans, bright red shirt and black tennis shoes; she keeps up with the style you know. I told her we would start the interview when we sat down for lunch. As we were walking into Red Lobster, she put her arm around me, “Think we are ready for this.” This is how our adventure down memory lane began.
Shirley Virginia Gardner was born on November 20, 1937, in White Melissa, northern Virginia by a mid-wife. She is the oldest of three children. She grew up with her sister and her brother until her parents split up when she was five. From then on it was just herself, her sister, and her mother. Gender was never really an issue in her house, or “shack” I should say, since they were all female. When I asked questions about her childhood roles, she gave me a look as if to say you should know that. “I was given all the responsibilities of the house work.” She sighed and looked down exclaiming, “When I was growing up times were hard, just hard.” She had remembered nights when everything had to be completely dark; she guessed it had something to do with the war going on.
Her single parented home moved around quite a bit, from one shack to the next. “I did not have the conveniences like we have now.” There was no indoor plumbing, no electric stove, and of course no refrigerator. Her mother worked constantly, and was not home much at all. She walked miles to work each day. Grandma talked of how her mother used to take the laundry with her to work and would carry them home all cleaned and starched that very same day. “Growing up was a struggle but gender never really played a part, it was more poverty. We were so poor then, that I would have to save my lunch money if I ever wanted something else.” After school her friends and she would walk downtown and get candy and snacks. Race was certainly not an issue in my grandmother’s eyes, as the black and white kids would all play together. She talked of how they even rented houses from blacks. “It was no different than renting houses from whites.” Living in an extremely small town, I don’t believe she experienced the full effect of segregation.
The one subject she did have a lot to ramble on about was her high school days. Since her mother was uneducated, it was extremely hard for her to come home and do homework that no one could help her with. When my great-grandmother was growing up, education was in no way more important than raising a family. She remembered very clearly the fun times, participating in sports. She was the forward on the basketball team and the pitcher on the softball team. One experience did stick out in her mind when she was reminiscing about her schooling. “It was my senior year, I had to take a history class in order to graduate, I didn’t do good in history, and I didn’t think I was going to pass. So I baked the teacher an apple pie and I passed, I DID!” This could have very well been a gender issue, without her even realizing it. She was a girl growing up in the 50’s, of course she could bake, or maybe he just felt sorry for her. Since she was poor I asked if she thought she was treated differently in school. Living during the time of the Great Depression, it seemed that everyone had nothing. She replied that you didn’t judge other people by their clothes or looks like they do today. “There was really no difference; just some kids were brighter than others.” It was obviously the poverty in which she lived that held her back. I could assume that the brighter kids were more educated because they had more money. Her routine was the same day after day: get up, go to school, come home, eat dinner, do homework, and then go to bed. Then she reached working age, and became more socially active.
My grandmother’s first job was at a diner, helping her mother serve dinner. “I made about a couple dollars a night.” Her Junior and Senior year of high school she worked at a truck stop as a waitress. “I made a lil’ spendin’ change.” Mostly she depended on tips. This allowed her to go out with her friends to the movies, roller-skating, and such. Her schooling days were easy to talk about; after that things got a little bit more difficult.
I could tell things were getting a bit uncomfortable when I asked her how she had spent the rest of her life. “You don’t need to know details, do ya?” At the age of nineteen she met her true love, at least she thought it was her true love. They were married and had a child, my mother Sharon. They soon divorced and she was re-married at the age of 24. About ten years later she gave birth to a boy, Dale Allen II, or Lil’ Dale as everyone calls him. She explained that her children grew up with a mother and a father, which was better than she had it. Even though she stated that she did not raise her girl differently I know otherwise. My mom mostly stayed at her grandmother’s house, while Lil Dale was taken to the babysitter. My mother was very independent and practically raised herself. I can remember my uncle still living at home until he was about 25 years old. You could say he was babied. He would sleep half the day away, grandma would take dinner to his room, and when he was finished he would set the plates outside of his door for her to pick up. There was defiantly favoritism, but grandmother didn’t think so.
As a young woman, she had always dreamed of becoming an airline stewardess. She was even called to go, but at the last minute she backed out. “I decided not to go when my mommy said I wouldn’t like it.” She was never given the opportunity to go to college, and never really had the desire. Her dreams were forgotten and she just went on with her life. She started out working as a waitress at Wayside Inn, then took a job at Doubleday Book Company, and finally settled at Leggett, in the shoe department. She had always stayed close to home. “There was nowhere and no way to go anywhere else.” After she was married, life got much easier for her. The society was changing and things were becoming better all around. My grandfather was in the National Guard and she explained how it was hard at times but manageable.
As I asked her to talk about the differences between then and now, she replied, “You’ve got it good kiddo, from what I had.” She doesn’t approve of the styles of today. “I guess just because I never knew anything about it.” Growing up she wore big dresses with crynalin in underneath and tie-up oxfords. Blue jeans were simply unheard of. No one had tattoos and multiple piercings. “We were so poor, I was just happy when we got something new. I never had to worry about style or fitting in.”
She definitely cherishes each and every moment of her life today. I now have a better understanding of how and why she lives and conquers everyday. “I wished it could have been better but there’s just no way it could of.” Her childhood has made her an extremely strong woman whom I cherish and look up to. “Nowadays I do what I want and nobody stands in my way; you should know that.” Since things weren’t good for her growing up, I see how she tries to make everything so much easier for me. She always tells me repeatedly that if I ever needed anything, if she is able to do it, she will. Spoiled is in no way the word for the way she treats me; it’s purely love. She is giving me the things she was deprived of. I guess I never really thought of it from that perspective, but in a way I believe it’s her own way of coping with her childhood.
The number one thing in her life today is God. “He won me over!” She remembered being forced to go to church every Sunday with her sister. Now she has a commitment within herself to attend each and every Sunday. After giving her life to her family and her work, she now gives all of her time to God. If she could give one piece of advice to the next generation she would tell them to believe in their dreams and work hard towards everything in which you believe. “Oh Lord, I think there is good out there for young people, but they just have to put their mind to it and don’t forget God.”
Autumn Spivey
WMST 101
Moira P. Baker
Oral History Project
10/08/01
“I get my hair done on Friday, I have a meeting on Wednesday, and I will be gone all day on Tuesday running errands.” Trying to schedule an interview with an extremely busy woman is a job of its own. Time is limited when most of it is spent at church conferences, on the road volunteering, and then, naturally, at the beauty shop. But when it’s your grandmother, time is always made, especially for the only grandchild. We had planned to spend the entire day together on Monday, go to lunch, Red Lobster of course, then shopping. She pulled into the driveway about 12 noon and we were on the road.
Grandma had on her blue jeans, bright red shirt and black tennis shoes; she keeps up with the style you know. I told her we would start the interview when we sat down for lunch. As we were walking into Red Lobster, she put her arm around me, “Think we are ready for this.” This is how our adventure down memory lane began.
Shirley Virginia Gardner was born on November 20, 1937, in White Melissa, northern Virginia by a mid-wife. She is the oldest of three children. She grew up with her sister and her brother until her parents split up when she was five. From then on it was just herself, her sister, and her mother. Gender was never really an issue in her house, or “shack” I should say, since they were all female. When I asked questions about her childhood roles, she gave me a look as if to say you should know that. “I was given all the responsibilities of the house work.” She sighed and looked down exclaiming, “When I was growing up times were hard, just hard.” She had remembered nights when everything had to be completely dark; she guessed it had something to do with the war going on.
Her single parented home moved around quite a bit, from one shack to the next. “I did not have the conveniences like we have now.” There was no indoor plumbing, no electric stove, and of course no refrigerator. Her mother worked constantly, and was not home much at all. She walked miles to work each day. Grandma talked of how her mother used to take the laundry with her to work and would carry them home all cleaned and starched that very same day. “Growing up was a struggle but gender never really played a part, it was more poverty. We were so poor then, that I would have to save my lunch money if I ever wanted something else.” After school her friends and she would walk downtown and get candy and snacks. Race was certainly not an issue in my grandmother’s eyes, as the black and white kids would all play together. She talked of how they even rented houses from blacks. “It was no different than renting houses from whites.” Living in an extremely small town, I don’t believe she experienced the full effect of segregation.
The one subject she did have a lot to ramble on about was her high school days. Since her mother was uneducated, it was extremely hard for her to come home and do homework that no one could help her with. When my great-grandmother was growing up, education was in no way more important than raising a family. She remembered very clearly the fun times, participating in sports. She was the forward on the basketball team and the pitcher on the softball team. One experience did stick out in her mind when she was reminiscing about her schooling. “It was my senior year, I had to take a history class in order to graduate, I didn’t do good in history, and I didn’t think I was going to pass. So I baked the teacher an apple pie and I passed, I DID!” This could have very well been a gender issue, without her even realizing it. She was a girl growing up in the 50’s, of course she could bake, or maybe he just felt sorry for her. Since she was poor I asked if she thought she was treated differently in school. Living during the time of the Great Depression, it seemed that everyone had nothing. She replied that you didn’t judge other people by their clothes or looks like they do today. “There was really no difference; just some kids were brighter than others.” It was obviously the poverty in which she lived that held her back. I could assume that the brighter kids were more educated because they had more money. Her routine was the same day after day: get up, go to school, come home, eat dinner, do homework, and then go to bed. Then she reached working age, and became more socially active.
My grandmother’s first job was at a diner, helping her mother serve dinner. “I made about a couple dollars a night.” Her Junior and Senior year of high school she worked at a truck stop as a waitress. “I made a lil’ spendin’ change.” Mostly she depended on tips. This allowed her to go out with her friends to the movies, roller-skating, and such. Her schooling days were easy to talk about; after that things got a little bit more difficult.
I could tell things were getting a bit uncomfortable when I asked her how she had spent the rest of her life. “You don’t need to know details, do ya?” At the age of nineteen she met her true love, at least she thought it was her true love. They were married and had a child, my mother Sharon. They soon divorced and she was re-married at the age of 24. About ten years later she gave birth to a boy, Dale Allen II, or Lil’ Dale as everyone calls him. She explained that her children grew up with a mother and a father, which was better than she had it. Even though she stated that she did not raise her girl differently I know otherwise. My mom mostly stayed at her grandmother’s house, while Lil Dale was taken to the babysitter. My mother was very independent and practically raised herself. I can remember my uncle still living at home until he was about 25 years old. You could say he was babied. He would sleep half the day away, grandma would take dinner to his room, and when he was finished he would set the plates outside of his door for her to pick up. There was defiantly favoritism, but grandmother didn’t think so.
As a young woman, she had always dreamed of becoming an airline stewardess. She was even called to go, but at the last minute she backed out. “I decided not to go when my mommy said I wouldn’t like it.” She was never given the opportunity to go to college, and never really had the desire. Her dreams were forgotten and she just went on with her life. She started out working as a waitress at Wayside Inn, then took a job at Doubleday Book Company, and finally settled at Leggett, in the shoe department. She had always stayed close to home. “There was nowhere and no way to go anywhere else.” After she was married, life got much easier for her. The society was changing and things were becoming better all around. My grandfather was in the National Guard and she explained how it was hard at times but manageable.
As I asked her to talk about the differences between then and now, she replied, “You’ve got it good kiddo, from what I had.” She doesn’t approve of the styles of today. “I guess just because I never knew anything about it.” Growing up she wore big dresses with crynalin in underneath and tie-up oxfords. Blue jeans were simply unheard of. No one had tattoos and multiple piercings. “We were so poor, I was just happy when we got something new. I never had to worry about style or fitting in.”
She definitely cherishes each and every moment of her life today. I now have a better understanding of how and why she lives and conquers everyday. “I wished it could have been better but there’s just no way it could of.” Her childhood has made her an extremely strong woman whom I cherish and look up to. “Nowadays I do what I want and nobody stands in my way; you should know that.” Since things weren’t good for her growing up, I see how she tries to make everything so much easier for me. She always tells me repeatedly that if I ever needed anything, if she is able to do it, she will. Spoiled is in no way the word for the way she treats me; it’s purely love. She is giving me the things she was deprived of. I guess I never really thought of it from that perspective, but in a way I believe it’s her own way of coping with her childhood.
The number one thing in her life today is God. “He won me over!” She remembered being forced to go to church every Sunday with her sister. Now she has a commitment within herself to attend each and every Sunday. After giving her life to her family and her work, she now gives all of her time to God. If she could give one piece of advice to the next generation she would tell them to believe in their dreams and work hard towards everything in which you believe. “Oh Lord, I think there is good out there for young people, but they just have to put their mind to it and don’t forget God.”