Article: 5067 of rec.humor.funny Newsgroups: rec.humor.funny From: gt0466c@prism.gatech.edu (Jennifer Denise Werner) Subject: The Shotgun Constitution Keywords: smirk Approved: funny-request@clari.net Path: darkstar.UCSC.EDU!agate!howland.reston.ans.net!vixen.cso.uiuc.edu!cdc2.cdc.net!news.texas.net!nntp.primenet.com!news.cais.net!news1.erols.com!hunter.premier.net!netnews.worldnet.att.net!uunet!in2.uu.net!fugue.clari.net!funny-request Message-ID: Date: Mon, 10 Jun 96 19:30:05 EDT Lines: 97 This has been everywhere, and I've gotten it at least three times from different sources. To my knowledge, it is reproduced with the permission of Mr. Gerk. Forwarded message: > > The Shotgun Constitution > -by Brian Gerk > > Terminology: > Shotgun -The rightmost front passenger seat in a vehicle, a prime > choice for any passenger, since it is the most comfortable seat, and also > because of the psychological advantage of not being forced to > subserviently look at the back of another person's head during a trip. > Enthronement-The physical presence of a person in the Shotgun > position. > > By Laws: > Vehicle Ownership > The owner of a vehicle, if he/she isn?t driving, always gets Shotgun in > that vehicle. It is their car, it is their seat and they get it. This is a > real > bonus for an owner who is falling down drunk. They can rest assured > Shotgun is rightfully theirs. They won?t have to worry about > concentrating through an alcohol-induced haze simply to remember to > call Shotgun in their own hard-earned car. Once proper Shotgun > ?enthronement? rights have been established, they may also be > surrendered. If the owner of the vehicle is eligible for Shotgun, but > wants to sleep it off in the back seat, then they may give up Shotgun to a > person of their choice. The vehicle owner is also the ultimate judge in > any Shotgun disputes. Their word is law, and all passengers must defer > to the owner?s interpretation of Shotgun law. Arbitration should be swift > and final, so that everyone can be on their way. If the owner is going to > stray from the Shotgun Constitution, they must have a good reason for > doing so. If the owner is not eligible for Shotgun, any passenger can call > Shotgun, but only under the proper conditions > > Legal Conditions for Calling Shotgun > Shotgun can only be called when the driver is enroute to the vehicle for > the purpose of driving immediately, and the Shotgun position is vacant. > Shotgun cannot be called upon arrival, only upon departure. For example, > a group of travelers may arrive at a restaurant and get out of the car for > a meal. Some bone-head might try calling Shotgun immediately for the > subsequent ride home, but that is not appropriate. If this kind of > precedent were allowed, it would let anyone call Shotgun ?futures? for > potential rides into eternity. Only after finishing the meal, when the > driver > picks up the car keys, is a Shotgun call allowed. Jingling keys is a very > strong sign of an Enroute condition. If the driver says ?lets go? that also > can be reasonably construed as Enroute. Most Enroute conditions mean > that driving will take place within a few minutes, but not always. If the > driver of a car turns around on a three hour trail ride, and says ?lets go > home,? then an enroute condition exists and Shotgun may be called > immediately. > > Forcible Dethronement (a.k.a. Physical Challenge) > There are some people in this world that always remember to call > Shotgun. Although this is an admirable trait at first, it quickly grows old. > These people tend to be real weenies, and if they knew better, would > sometimes let someone else call shotgun just to be a little more > diplomatic.The purpose of the Shotgun Constitution is to provide for a > peaceful, fair method of getting to ride Shotgun. Unfortunately, if an > introverted nerd consistently calls Shotgun ad nauseum, there must be > accommodations for that person to be forcibly removed from the seat. > Thus the Forcible Dethronement policy. This allows one other passenger > (usually larger in stature) to declare ?Physical Challenge!? and pull, push > or otherwise eject the previous Shotgun participant from the seat. > Although frowned upon if used regularly, this physical challenge is a > legitimate means of wresting Shotgun control away from the legal party. > Any physical tactics short of grievous bodily injury are employable. > > The Dick Clause > Though not a formal by-law of the Constitution, the Dick Clause is a > necessary refinement in semantics.Just because the driver?s girlfriend, > boyfriend, wife, whoever happens to be in the car, that Significant Other > does not get Shotgun by default. Anyone else can legally call Shotgun > and force the Significant Other to ride in the back.But then of course that > would mean that person is a Dick. > > Post-amble > I first drafted the Shotgun Constitution in 1990 while attending > Embry-Riddle University in Florida. The Constitution was widely > distributed via fax, and steered many young passengers towards a more > democratic form of ridership. It is time to resurrect this living document, > and to let a new generation of passengers rightfully call SHOTGUN. > > If there is any new case law I should be aware of for the Shotgun > Constitution, please e-mail me at: gerkie@aol.com. I will conduct a judicial > review of your case and see whether it merits an amendment to the > Constitution. -- Selected by Jim Griffith. MAIL your joke to funny@clari.net. Fight the communications decency act. We've filed suit to stop it. See http://www.clari.net/suitpage.html