Why God Never Received Tenure at the University ----------------------------------------------- 1. Because [S/]He had only one major publication. 2. And it was in Hebrew. 3. And it had no references. 4. And it wasn't published in a refereed journal. 5. And some even doubt [S/]He wrote it [Her/]himself. 6. It may be true that [S/]He created the world but what has [S/]He published/done since ? 7. [Her/]His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. 8. The scientific community has had a very rough time trying to repeat [Her/]His results. David J. Davison 000329d@ace.acadiau.edu | Time is an illusion, Acadia University The Jodrey School of | lunch time... Wolfville, N.S. Computer Science | doubly so. Received: from quip.eecs.umich.edu (quip.eecs.umich.edu [141.212.99.8]) by terra.cse.ucsc.edu (8.6.9/8.6.9) with ESMTP id RAA26092 for ; Tue, 4 Oct 1994 17:35:56 -0700 Received: (ivancich@localhost) by quip.eecs.umich.edu (8.6.8/8.6.4) id UAA09757; Tue, 4 Oct 1994 20:35:46 -0400 Date: Tue, 4 Oct 1994 20:35:46 -0400 From: Eric Ivancich Message-Id: <199410050035.UAA09757@quip.eecs.umich.edu> To: Alix.Casteel@um.cc.umich.edu, Eliza.Richards@um.cc.umich.edu, M.David.Westbrook@um.cc.umich.edu, carolg@cs.oberlin.edu, fritz@cs.oberlin.edu, ian@cse.ucsc.edu, katherine.masur@umich.edu, katier@umich.edu, paxton@cs.montana.edu Subject: Humor Forwarded message... ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Date: Tue, 4 Oct 1994 18:13:09 -0400 From: Michael Hucka Subject: Academia sure is difficult Many thanks to Sarah Evett for forwarding this piece: > Why God never received tenure at any university: > > 1. He had only one major publication. > 2. It was in Hebrew. > 3. It had no references. > 4. It wasn't published in a refereed journal. > 5. Some even doubt he wrote it himself. > 6. It may be true that he created the world, but what has he > done since then? > 7. His cooperative efforts have been quite limited. > 8. The scientific community has had a hard time replicating his results. > 9. He never applied to the Ethics Board for permission to use human > subjects. > 10. When one experiment went awry he tried to cover it up by drowning > the subjects. > 11. When subjects didn't behave as predicted, he deleted them from the > sample. > 12. He rarely came to class, just told students to read the Book. > 13. Some say he had his son teach the class. > 14. He expelled his first two students for learning. > 15. Although there were only ten requirements, most students failed > his tests. > 16. His office hours were infrequent and usually held on a mountaintop. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------