>>Believe it or not, the following announcements actually appeared in >>various church bulletins. > >>1. Don't let worry kill you -- let the church help. >>2. Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow. >>3. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and >> community. >>4. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a >> nursery downstairs. >>5. The rosebud on the alter this morning is to announce the birth of >> David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer. >>6. This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends >> of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. >>7. Tuesday at 4:00 PM there will be an ice cream social. All ladies >> giving milk will please come early. >>8. Wednesday the ladies liturgy will meet. Mrs. Johnson will sing "Put >> me in my little bed" accompanied by the pastor. >>9. Thursday at 5:00 PM there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers >> Club. All ladies wishing to be "Little Mothers" will meet with the >> Pastor in his study. >>10. This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward >> and lay an egg on the alter. >>11. The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the >> ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will >> join in. >>12. Next Sunday a special collection will be taken to defray the cost >> of the new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new >> carpet will come foreward and do so. >>13. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind. >> They can be seen in the church basement Saturday. >>14. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. >> Music will follow. >>15. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is >> Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice. (Message inbox:6782) Return-Path: agu@hyperparallel.com Received: from hyperpar.hyperparallel.com (hyperpar.hyperparallel.com [205.187.22.100]) by cs.rice.edu (8.8.5/8.7.1) with ESMTP id TAA00927 for ; Fri, 24 Jan 1997 19:03:40 -0600 (CST) From: agu@hyperparallel.com Received: (from uucp@localhost) by hyperpar.hyperparallel.com (8.8.2/8.8.2) id RAA29736; Fri, 24 Jan 1997 17:01:02 -0800 Received: from kodiak.hyperparallel.com(205.187.22.107) by ibm via smap (V1.3) id sma025125; Fri Jan 24 17:00:31 1997 Received: from erebus.hyperparallel.com (erebus [205.187.22.101]) by kodiak.hyperparallel.com (8.8.2/8.8.2) with SMTP id RAA17817; Fri, 24 Jan 1997 17:00:17 -0800 (PST) Received: by erebus.hyperparallel.com (SMI-8.6/SMI-SVR4) id RAA07746; Fri, 24 Jan 1997 17:00:16 -0800 Date: Fri, 24 Jan 1997 17:00:16 -0800 Message-Id: <199701250100.RAA07746@erebus.hyperparallel.com> To: Chris_S_Decker@notes.seagate.com, MBERKMAN@gcwf.com, ai@tibco.com, awinarsk@us.oracle.com, burke@nearinc.com, colen@San-Jose.ate.slb.com, daniel@ia-us.com, decker@alumni.caltech.edu, djb@mitre.org, eluce@aol.com, ian@cs.rice.edu, jdestefa@bbn.com, jeffk@nmss.com, jgarcia@cse.ucsc.edu, jlove@nearinc.com, joel@cse.ucsc.edu, julian@freebsd.org, jun@zentropa.com, koblas@novomedia.com, kovar@netnoc.net, kristen@synopsys.com, laurie@embezzle.stanford.edu, lib@nearinc.com, murban@violet.berkeley.edu, nitzberg@nas.nasa.gov, rcu@engr.sgi.com, rja@cen.com, rmiller@synopsys.com, sison@ix.netcom.com, tung@cmgm.stanford.edu, urban@odi.com, urban@rto.dec.com Subject: fwd >Actual messages taken from Church Newsletters >==================== >The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who >are not afflicted with any church. > >The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are >invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done. > >Evening massage - 6 pm. > >The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend >him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning. > >The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession. > >Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 pm. Please >use the back door. > >ANNOINTING OF THE SICK . . . If you are going to be hospitalized for an >operation, contact the pastor. Special prayer also for those who are >seriously sick by request. > >Usher will eat latecomers. > >The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical >accomplishment. > >The sermon this morning: WOMEN IN THE CHURCH The closing song: RISE UP, O >MEN OF GOD > >The sermon this morning: GOSSIP . . . THE SPEAKING OF EVIL The closing >song: I LOVE TO TELL THE STORY > >The sermon this morning: CONTEMPORARY ISSUES #3 . . . EUTHANASIA The >closing song: TAKE MY LIFE > >The sermon this morning: PREDESTINATION . . . WHAT ABOUT HELL? The closing >song: I'LL GO WHERE YOU WANT ME TO GO > >