/*---------------------------------------------------------------------------+ | Living on Earth may be expensive, but it includes an annual free trip | | around the Sun. | +---------------------------------------------------------------------------*/ -- "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes." -- "From which it is straightforward to see that we have told the truth and not a fairy tale, since virtue always triumphs in fairy tales." -- Stanislaw Lem, "How Erg the Self-Inducting Slew a Paleface" -- "If your head is in the oven, and your feet are | angst@psych.colorado.edu in the freezer, you're quite comfortable--on the | angst@xmission.com average. But in reality, OH NO, you're dead!" | ear-rational@xmission.com -- Divendra Chhetry | (for automated requests) -- Chris Stuard: "If I were an electron, would I really be home now?" (cstuartd@vt.edu) -- Don't anthropomorphize computers. They don't like it. -- "Well, the annular eclipse of the sun is over. You may now once again stare directly at the sun." -Kevin Nealon -- "Peter would like to apologize for rhyming garment with varmint twice on the same record." Think Tree -- -+- "I'm doing slapstick in the kingdom of the blind" -Dramarama -+- -- If you see a blind man, run up and kick him. Why should you be kinder than God? -- Old Iranian Proverb -- "If your position is everywhere, your momentum is zero." -- the Heisenburg Uncertainty Principle, applied to the US Congress. -- Carol LePage * Years from now, when I'm successful and happy, carolo@cse.ucsc.edu * and he's in prison... I hope I'm not too * mature to gloat. -Calvin -- "If trains stop at train stations, what happens at work stations?" -- Guido Hogen Light thinks it travels faster than anything but it is wrong. No matter how fast light travels it finds the darkness has always got there first and is waiting for it. (Pratchett) -- There is nothing nobler or more admirable than when two people who see eye to eye keep house as man and wife, confounding their enemies and delighting their friends, as they themselves know better than anyone. HOMER, The Odyssey -- /* "There is no king who has not had a slave among his ancestors and */ /* no slave that has not had a king among his." ---- Helen Keller */ -- If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. -- ford@cats.ucsc.edu "nuclear weapons don't kill people..radiation kills people..er, and flashburn kills people, and 2000K temperatures kill people, and ... well FINE, so nuclear weapons kill people,everybody's gotta die sometime so why not all at once? " -- My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. --Ashleigh Brilliant -- There are no physicists in the hottest parts of hell, because the existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. -- [From the movie _Barcelona_:] Just becuase we Americans have more killings it doesn't mean that we are more violent, it just means that we're better shots. -- "Christianity seems to be a pretty good thing; I wish someone would give it a try." -- Bill Faulkner -- This message brought to you by the letters H and Q, and the number 5. WW /__\ | oo | _WWWWW_ (|_()_|) / o o \ (+)(+) \__/ (| __O__ |)/ \ /|\/|\ \ \___/ / \ -==- / |||||||| /-------\ \ / -- Some compilers allow a check during execution that subscripts do not exceed array dimensions. This is a help, but not sufficient. First, many programmers do not use such compilers because "They're not efficient." (Presumably, this means that it is vital to get the wrong answers quickly.) Kernighan & Plauger, The Elements of Programming Style -- Faith is the quality that enables you to eat blackberry jam on a picnic without looking to see whether the seeds move. -- ... Ever stop to think .. and forget to start again? -- __\/__ . / ^ - \ . |\| (o)(o) |/| |-----.OOOo--oo--oOOO.------------------| | Brian Lalor | | Binghamton University | | InterNet : bd80531@bingsuns.cc. | | __|__ binghamton.edu | | -------0------- | |_______________Oooo.___________________| .oooO ( ) ( ) ) / \ ( (_/ \_) -- "The Great Depression has been funded by..." (credits preceding PBS showing of the program, "The Great Depression") -- If you have the choice between humble and cocky, go with cocky. There's always time to be humble later, once you've been proven horrendously,irrevocably wrong. Kinky Friedman -- Logic is the art of going wrong with confidence. -- God is love. Love is blind. Ray Charles is blind. Therefore, Ray Charles is God. -- "Never send a monster to do the work of an evil scientist". Marcel Rijs * "Conan the librarian" * Den Haag * The Netherlands ========================================================================= Q: What's the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup? A: Anyone can mash potatoes. -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ludwig Boltzmann, who spent much of his life studying statistical mechanics, died in 1906, by his own hand. Paul Ehrenfest, carrying on the work, died similarly in 1933. Now it is our turn to study statistical mechanics." -David L. Goodstein "States of Matter" -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "You fell victim to one of the classic blunders. The most famous is never get involved in a land war in Asia...but only slightly less well known is this: Never go in against a Sicilian when DEATH is on the line!!! AAHH HA HA HA AHHH HA HA H---" Fezzini r.i.p. [The Princess Bride] -- A waste is a terrible thing to mind! Internetworking Consultant | Power Corrupts. Internet (Bermuda) Ltd. | Atomic Power Corrupts Automatically. ____________________________________________________________________________ | tachyon@cats.ucsc.edu \ /__ "You know, every message I read from | | tachyon@ucscb.ucsc.edu \ / / you contains the phrase 'I should log | | even tachyon@armory.com \/ / off and get some work done.'" -Julie W. | ------------------------------\/-------------------------------------------- "The number of Unix installations has grown to 10, with more expected in the future." Unix Programmers Manual (1972) -- "While modern technology has given people powerful new communication tools, it apparently can do nothing to alter the fact that many people seem to have nothing useful to say." - Lee Gomes -- "If you're a scientist keeping a brain in a jar, why not add a lemon, for freshness?" --Jack Handey -- If it's green and slimy, it's biology If it smells, it's chemistry If it doesn't work, it's physics -- ... Never knock on Death's door. Ring the doorbell and run. He hates that. -- "I would like to die sleeping, like my father rather than sreaming and helpless, like his passengers" -- If God is our Father (you thought), then Satan must be our Cousin. Why didn't anyone else understand these important things? - Tool -- ( The coffee here isn't strong enough to defend itself ) -- Information is not knowledge Knowledge is not wisdom Wisdom is not truth Truth is not beauty Beauty is not love Love is not music Music is THE BEST F. Zappa -- By working faithfully eight hours a day you may eventually get to be a boss and work 12 hours a day. --Robert Frost -- ... frau kann durch einen deutschen Artikel nicht diskriminiert werden. -- Politics: n. from the Greek; "poli"-many; "tics"-ugly, bloodsucking parasites. -- I need a new .sig. If you've got one, or just look like it, email me at: pardua@mc.edu with suggestions, comments, gripes, sly sexual innuendo, or job offers. -- If we had thought something this big was going to happen to us, do you think we would have called ourselves TOAD THE WET SPROCKET?! - Toad the Wet Sprocket -- "ONCE I LIVED IN CAPITALS, MY LIFE INTENSELY PHALLIC but now I'm sadly lowercase, with the occasional italic" (Roger McGough) -- (* and why doesn't NASA go out and buy one of those Star Trek technical manuals, and build us a REAL space craft? *) -- A famous astrophysicist once said that the unfortunate side effect of having graduate students was that you had to give them PhDs in the end. -- Plan: To be more like Feynman Problem Solving Methods Compared Richard Feynman Clay Shields Nobel Prize winning Graduate Student, Nuclear Physicist, Kayaker, TA. Genius 1) Write down the problem. 1) Write down the problem. 2) Think very hard. 2) Think very hard. 3) Write down the answer. 3) Write down the wrong answer. -- (setq today (cadr life)) -- Yet another Yet another Yet another Yet another Yet another lame (TM) lame (TM) lame (TM) lame (TM) lame (TM) l 3D .sig! 3D .sig! 3D .sig! 3D .sig! 3D .sig! 3D .sig -- John Grisham's new novel, _The_Rainmaker_, marks a radical departure for the bestselling author. In this book, a hotshot young lawyer solves a crime. "A good night's sleep is no substitute for caffeine." "I worship the Llama. In all aspects, even naked dancing ones." - llamaman@ix.netcom.com on alt.fan.naked.dancing.llama MSTie #38188 | Dvorak keyboard - Esperanto - Ross Perot - ProLog - Amiga 2000 | Do I follow lost causes, or what? "No missing letters, one extra letter.....hmmmm.... Pretty darn good for a non-Icelander!" - Eirikur "Jazz! Phhhbt!... they just make it up as they go along. I could do that..." - Homer J. Simpson "Susan hated Literature. She'd much prefer to read a good book." -Terry Pratchett, _Soul Music_ Man is the only animal that blushes. Or needs to. MARK TWAIN -------------------------------------------------------------------------- |"Even if he were mediocre, there are a lot of medicore judges & people | | & lawyers. Don't they deserve some representation on the court?" - | | Senator Roman Hruska (R-Neb), defending Judge Harold Carswell, the 1st | | Nixon nominee for the Sup.Court, against charges that he was mediocre. | -------------------------------------------------------------------------- "We must laugh at man, to avoid crying for him" -- Napoleon "We seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life."/ Stewart Stremler (--C3P0) Member of the .SIG club! To join, just add this line to your .SIG! Jesus didn't even have a utility belt! How lame can you get? -- Alan # Mountain Dew and doughnuts... alan@elroy.jpl.nasa.gov # because breakfast is the most important meal # of the day. The difference between practice and theory is greater in practice than in theory. /------------------------------------------------\ / "Photo-telegraphy allowed any writing, signature,\ / or illustration to be sent far away, and any \ \ contract to be signed at a distance of [20,000km]./ \ Every house was wired." -Jules Verne, 1863. / \------------------------------------------------/ "Certainly, objecting to 'political correctness' is an act of 'political correction.'" - Michael C. Horsch "Jazz! Phhhbt!... they just make it up as they go along. I could do that..." - Homer J. Simpson "If you quote me on this I'll have to deny it; I won't remember because I have such a bad memory. Not only that, but my memory is *terrible*." "I have found that humans often use Smalltalk during awkward moments." - Data "Kenny G is the worst part of going to the dentist." WBB George: "What do you do if you step on a mine?" Blackadder: "The usual procedure is to leap 200 feet in the air and scatter yourself over a wide area." "A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous" --Ingrid Bergman Tom Barringer : Progress Software Corp. : The Tall Conspiracy is looking QA Development : 14 Oak Park : for members. Please see the tomb@progress.com : Bedford, MA 01730 : recruitment flyer posted on GEnie: T.Barringer : #include : the top of your refrigerator. El Arseneau - Facilitator ~ An eclectic neo-pagan group celebrating Circle of Fire & Friends ~ the eight sabbats, builders and benders P.O. Box 3049 ~ of various non-archaic traditions. Santa Cruz CA 95063 ~ "We're doing religion the old fashioned Email: vidmage@cruzio.com ~ way - we're making it up as we go." "I don't read minds, but sometimes I look at the pictures." "Power corrupts; absolute power is kind of neat." Ted Kennedy's Bumper Sticker: My Other Car is Under Water. Bursting with the belated eloquence of the inarticulate, Deborah Karen "I plan to be more spontaneous." Computer scientist using Unix: 3's a prime, 5's a prime, 7's a prime, segmentation fault "The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."--Paul Fix "Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving us wordy evidence of the fact." -George Elliot A Flannery O'Conner quote on a greeting card, (paraphrasing): "People ask me if I believe the universities stifle young writers. My opinion is that they don't stifle enough of them." "I'm a High Energy Linguist. I work at a participle accelerator."--unknown Programming -- the art form that fights back. Immortal until proven otherwise... "Salt Lake City in 2002 - the best olympics money can buy(tm)" A shared sorrow is a half-sorrow, and a shared joy is a double-joy. -- Czech saying (roughly translated) As a general rule, don't solve puzzles that open portals to Hell. - "A Horror Movie Character's Survival Guide" A: No. See: Help, I'm being held in a .sig Q: Should I include quotations after my reply? factory! -- Error reduces Your expensive computer To a simple stone "I know the answer! The answer lies within the heart of all mankind! The answer is twelve? I think I'm in the wrong building." - Charles Shultz