Date: Mon, 13 Apr 1998 13:15:44 -0700

 BELOW ARE EXCERTS FROM US AND BRITISH OFFICE PERFORMANCE REVIEWS

 Actual lines out of US Military OER (Officer Efficiency Report):

  1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
  2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
  3. A room temperature IQ.
  4. Got a full 6-pack but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
     together.
  5. A gross ignoramus - 144 times worse then an ordinary ignoramus.
  6. A prime candidate for natural deselection.
  7. Bright as Alaska in December
  8. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.
  9. So dense, light bends around him.
 10. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
 11. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.
 12. Was left on the Tilt-A-Whirl a bit too long as a baby.
 13. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.


 Actual excerpts from Royal Navy and Marine Officer fitness reports:

 14. His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
 15. I would not breed from this officer.
 16. He has carried out each and every one of his duties to his entire
     satisfaction.
 17. He would be out of his depth in a car park puddle.
 18. This young lady has delusions of adequacy.
 19. Since my last report he has reached rock bottom and has started
     to dig.
 20. She sets low personal standards consistently fails to achieve them.
 21. He has the wisdom of youth, and the energy of old age.
 22. Works well when under constant supervision and when cornered like a
     rat in a trap.
 23. This man is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot.