[many fwds deleted]

Date: 6/2/95 9:17 AM
Modified From?: Ellen Goldstein

>   Why the Internet Is Like a Penis
>   ================================
>   * It can be up or down.  It's more fun when it's up, but that makes it
>     difficult to get any real work done.
>
>   * In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
>     considered vital to the survival of the species.  Some people still
>     think that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today
>     use it for fun most of the time.
>
>   * It has no conscience and no memory.  Left to its own devices, it will
>     just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
>
>   * It provides a way to interact with other people.  Some people take this
>     interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark.  Sometimes it's
>     hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too
>     late.
>
>   * If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
>     viruses.
>
>   * It has no brain of its own.  Instead, it uses yours.  If you use it too
>     much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
>     coherently.
>
>   * We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
>     and influence warrant.
>
>   * If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big
>     trouble.
>
>   * It has its own agenda.  Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
>     will warp your behavior.  Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did
>     I do that?"
>
>   * Some folks have it, some don't.
>
>       Those who have it would be devastated if it were ever cut off.  They
>       think that those who don't have it are somehow inferior.  They think it
>       gives them power.  They are wrong.
>       Those who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's
>       not worth the fuss that those who do have it make about it.  Still, many
>       of those who don't have it would like to try it.
>
>   * Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop.  Some people
>     would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
>
>   *  Some people show it to others who are without, to try to impress them.
>      (This backfires if the other person thinks it's not so hard.)