Subject: Fw: Personals ads Date: Tue, 12 Mar 2002 19:31:30 -0800 Sorry in advance! =========== Handy Dictionary to decipher Personals Ads WOMEN'S ADS 40-ish...................... 49 Adventurer.................. Slept with all your friends Athletic.................... No tits Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound Beautiful................... Pathological liar Contagious Smile............ Does a lot of Ecstasy Educated.................... Banged her Political Science professor Emotionally Secure.......... Medicated Feminist.................... Fat ballbuster Free spirit................. Junkie Friendship first............ Trying to live down reputation as a slut Fun......................... Annoying Gentle...................... Comatose Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic New-Age..................... All body hair, all the time Old-fashioned............... Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs Open-minded................. Desperate Outgoing.................... Loud and Embarrassing Passionate.................. Sloppy drunk Poet........................ Depressive Schizophrenic Professional................ Certified Bitch Redhead..................... Bad dye-job Reubenesque................. Grossly Fat Romantic.................... Looks better by candle light Social...................... Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray Voluptuous.................. Very Fat Weight proportion w/ height. Hugely Fat -- as tall as you are wide Wants Soulmate.............. Stalker Widow....................... Drove first husband to shoot himself Young at heart.............. Old bat MEN'S ADS 40-ish................ 52 and looking for 25-yr-old Athletic.............. Watches a lot of NASCAR Average looking....... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back Educated.............. Will patronize the s--t out of you Free Spirit........... Banging your sister Friendship first...... As long as friendship involves nookie Fun................... Good with a remote and a six pack Good looking.......... Arrogant Very good looking..... Dumb as a board Honest................ Pathological Liar Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mama's boy Mature................ Older than your father Open-minded........... Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested Physically fit........ Does a lot of 12-ounce curls Poet.................. Wrote ex-girlfriend's # on a bathroom stall Sensitive............. Cries at chick flicks Very sensitive........ Gay Spiritual............. Got laid in a cemetery once Stable................ Arrested for stalking, but not convicted Thoughtful............ Says "Excuse me" when he farts