Frank P Barletta (fpbst+@pitt.edu) wrote:
: Newsgroups: rec.arts.comics.xbooks
: From: dhenry@plains.NoDak.edu (David R. Henry)
: Subject: X vs. X

: Graeme writes:

: >Anyways, I think that Xbooks is a responsible enough group full of kind 
: >and loving enough people (except for Vod and Nyx, of course) that this 
: >thread won't degenerate.  It's healthy to discuss these topice, and helps 
: >us all get to know one anohter better.  So until I start seeing a repeat 
: >of "X vs. X" in this thread, I don't think it'll be necessary to abort.

: Spider-Man could beat Jesus! I haven't read all of Jesus' appearances,
: but I think I can state from what I've read of them from Jesus collectors
: here on the newsgroup that this thing would be possible.

: First off, all of the old Jesus writers really didn't know his character.
: That's because they're not writing him today. Jesus has never shown the
: ability to resist a punch capable of shattering steel in his face! You'd
: think that if the Jesus writers wanted him to be able to survive such
: a punch, they'd have put him in a situation where they could show that.

: So I don't go by the old Jesus appearances. But let's not argue back
: issues, because I don't have any. Let's just consider Spider-Man:

: 1. Spider-Man has reflexes much faster than any human. Jesus is supposed
: to be a god, yes, but he's also, more importantly, a man. And Spider-Man
: is faster than a lot of gods, anyway, as shown by his defeat of Firelord
: and Thanos. Spider-Man could react really quickly to anything Jesus
: would like to do.

: 2. Spider-Man has his spider-sense, which will allow him the ability to
: react to Jesus before Jesus can even throw a punch! This, combined with
: his speed, makes Spider-Man easily capable of beating Jesus.

: 3. Spider-Man's web-shooters. I'd like to see Jesus multiply fish by
: magic when he's trying to concentrate with a big glob of webbing in
: his face! Especially when Spider-Man starts whipping him around with
: his super-strength, I don't think Jesus will be able to do much about
: that.

: The way I see it, though, it could be an even match if they fought
: outside a city or someplace. I mean, Spider-Man needs buildings
: to swing on, and big trees aren't all that useful, since Jesus could
: just curse them and make them wither away. And out on a lake Jesus
: would win, since he could walk out over the water where Spider-Man
: couldn't reach him! Well, except for his web-shooters, but I don't 
: know if I'm allowed to actually combine arguments into a coherent 
: whole. Hmm. This is a puzzler, no doubt!

: And anyway, Jesus knows a lot more about surviving in the desert
: than Spider-Man. Spider-Man could hide in a basement, however, until
: the sandstorms pass, and then he could use his spider-sense to find
: Jesus and pound his face in. Perhaps if Jesus snuck up on Spider-Man
: in the basement with a crowbar, though, Jesus could take him out. After
: all, Aunt May once did that, and that was because Spider-Man's spider-
: sense didn't recognize her as a threat! And if there's one thing Jesus
: ain't to Spider-Man, it's a threat! Well, it could work, but that was
: actually written by an older writer, so maybe he didn't know anything,
: anyway. If lead pipes were supposed to exist in Spider-Man comics, 
: you'd think the writers would show them occasionally, but since they
: don't, it's obvious that crowbars aren't supposed to exist in Spider-Man
: comics.

: Really, most of Jesus' powers are really lame. I mean, he could make
: Spider-Man drunk before the battle by changing all the water in his
: building to wine, and his ability to cast out demons is pretty cool
: (Jesus vs. Ghost Rider would be an awesomely kool match!), but Spider-Man
: is fast, and, you see, that means he's basically fast, which means 
: he will win, because that's the way the writers have it nowadays.

: Little did you know that you would ask that question and I would have such a
: great answer!
: 		--Rob Liefeld