Date: Mon, 08 Jun 1998 13:20:57 -0400
Subject: [Fwd: SCIENTISTS AND ENGINEERS]
 
 SCIENTISTS AND ENGINEERS
 
 The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
 The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
 The graduate with an Economics degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
 The graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Would you like fries
      with that?"

 
 Engineers think that equations approximate the real world.
 Scientists think that the real world approximates equations.
 Mathematicians are unable to make the connection.

 
 A Mathematician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street
 cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other
 side of the street. First they see two people going into the house.
 Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the
 house.
 
 The Physicist: "The measurement wasn't accurate".
 The Biologist's conclusion: "They have reproduced".
 The Mathematician: "If now exactly 1 person enters the house then it
                     will be empty again."

 
 An Engineer, a Physicist, and a Mathematician are shown a pasture with
 a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible
 amount of fence.
 
 The Engineer is first. She herds the sheep into a circle and then puts
 the fence around them, declaring, "A circle will use the least fence
 for a given area, so this is the best solution."
 
 The Physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius
 around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd,
 declaring, "This will give the smallest circular fence around the
 herd."
 
 The Mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought,
 she puts a small fence around herself and then declares, "I define
 myself to be on the outside!"

 
 In some foreign country a Priest, a Lawyer and an Engineer are about
 to be guillotined. The Priest puts his head on the block, they pull
 the rope and nothing happens -- he declares that he's been saved by
 divine intervention -- so he's let go. The Lawyer is put on the block,
 and again the rope doesn't release the blade, he claims he can't be
 executed twice for the same crime and he too, is set free. They grab
 the Engineer and shove her head into the guillotine, she looks up at
 the release mechanism and says, "Wait a minute, I see your problem..."
--------------------
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible 
designers of the human body.  One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." 
Just look at all the joints."  Another said, "No, it was an electrical 
engineer.  The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."

The last one said, "Actually it was a civil engineer.  Who else would 
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"

--------------------
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for
a particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"  The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.  Let's have a word with him." "Hi George!  Say, what's with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"  The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind fire-fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group was silent for a moment.  The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them." 
  The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"

----------------------

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.