Date:         Wed, 15 Jan 2003 20:29:07 -0600


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store,
but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock
boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"  The stock boy replied, "No
ma'am, they're dead."


The cop got out of his car and the kid he had stopped for speeding
rolled down his window.  "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop
said.  The kid replied, "Well I got here as fast as I could."  When
the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a
ticket.


A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that
reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead
of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for
miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and
walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says,
"Got stuck, huh?"  The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this
bridge and ran out of gas."


The drunken wino was stumbling down the street with one foot on the
curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, "I've got
to take you in, sir. You're obviously drunk".  The wasted wino asked,
"Ociffer, are ya absolutely sure I'm drunk?"  "Yeah, buddy, I'm sure,"
said the copper."Let's go."  Obviously relieved, the wino said "That's
a relief--I thought I was crippled."


A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check
tickets.  As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket,
and he opened his trench coat and flashed her.  Without missing a beat
she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."


The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and
walked home.  As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a
policeman.  "What are you doing out here at 2 A.M.?" asked the
officer.  "I'm going to a lecture." The man said.  "And who is going
to give a lecture at this hour?"  the cop asked.  "My wife," said the
man.