from: [castro: [gagj@TROI.CC.ROCHESTER.EDU: LABELS]]

	Journal of Irreproducible Results:
		Product Warnings

 
CAUTION: The mass of this product contains the energy equivalent
         to 85 millions tons of TNT per net ounce of weight.
 
ADVISORY: There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that,
          through a process know as "Tunneling" this product may
          spontaneously disappear from its present location and
          reappear at any random place in the universe, including
          your neighbor's domicile. The manufacturer will not be
          responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
 
PLEASE NOTE: Some Quantum Physics Theories suggest that when the
              consumer is not directly observing this product, it may
              cease to exist or will exist only in a vague and
              undetermined state.
 
NEW GRAND UNIFIED
THEORY DISCLAIMER: The manufacturer may technically be entitled to claim
                   that this product is 10-dimensional. However, the con-
                   sumer is reminded that this confers no legal rights
                   above and beyond those applicable to 3-dimensional ob-
                   jects, since the seven new dimensions are "rolled up"
                   into such a small "area" that they cannot be detected.
 
READ THIS BEFORE
OPENING PACKAGE : According to certain suggested versions of the Grand
                  Unified Theory, the primary particles constituting
                  this product may decay to nothingness within the next
                  four hundred million years.
 
COMPONENT EQUIVALENT NOTICE: The subatomic particles comprising this product
                             are exactly the same in every measurable respect
                             as those used in the products of other manufactu-
                             rers, and no claim to the contrary may legitima-
                             tely be expressed or implied.
 
THIS IS A 100%
MATTER PRODUCT: In the unlikely event that this merchandise should contact
                antimatter in any form, a catastrophic explosion will result.
 
PUBLIC NOTICE AS
REQUIRED BY LAW : Any use of this product, in any manner whatsoever, will
                  increase the amount of disorder in the universe.  Although
                  no liability is implied herein, the consumer is warned
                  that this process will ultimately lead to the heat death
                  of the universe.