>From: DPENNEY@fs2.ge.man.ac.uk
>Date: 23 Aug 1996 10:35:55 GMT
>Subject: Re: cabbage leaves
>
>
> WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A WOMAN
>> > >>
>> > >>                  *** THE CANONICAL LIST ***
>> > >>
>> > >> 1.  You can enjoy a beer all month.
>> > >> 2.  Beer stains wash out.
>> > >> 3.  You don't have to wine and dine a beer.
>> > >> 4.  Your beer will always wait patiently for you in the car.
>> > >> 5.  When beer goes flat you toss it out.
>> > >> 6.  Beer is never late.
>> > >> 7.  HANGOVERS go away.
>> > >> 8.  A beer doesn't get jealous when you grab another beer.
>> > >> 9.  Beer labels come off without a fight.
>> > >>10.  When you go to a bar, you know you can always pick up a beer.
>> > >>11.  Beer never has a headache.
>> > >>12.  After you have a beer, the bottle is still worth a dime.
>> > >>13.  A beer won't get upset if you come home with beer on your breath.
>> > >>14.  If you pour a beer right, you will always get good head.
>> > >>15.  You can have more than one beer a night and not feel guilty.
>> > >>16.  A beer ALWAYS goes down easy.
>> > >>17.  You can share a beer with your friends.
>> > >>18.  You always know that you are the first one to pop a beer.
>> > >>19.  A beer is always wet.
>> > >>20.  Beer doesn't demand equality.
>> > >>21.  A beer doesn't care when you come.
>> > >>22.  You can have a beer in public.
>> > >>23.  A frigid beer is a good beer.
>> > >>24.  You don't have to wash a beer before it tastes good.
>> > >>25.  Beer always comes in multiples of six.
>> > >>26.  Beer doesn't mind being in the "wet spot" that IT left.
>> > >>27.  You can't catch anything but a "buzz" from a beer.
>> > >>28.  After you have a beer, you're committed to nothing other than
>> > >>     dumping the empty bottle.
>> > >>29.  A beer never costs you more than five dollars and never leaves you
>> > >>     thirsty.
>> > >>30.  When your beer is gone, you just pop another.
>> > >>31.  You rarely (if ever) find beer labels on the shower curtain rod.
>> > >>32.  Beer looks the same in the morning.
>> > >>33.  Beer doesn't look you up in a month.
>> > >>34.  Beer doesn't worry about someone walking in.
>> > >>35.  Beer doesn't worry about waking the kids.
>> > >>36.  Beer doesn't get cramps.
>> > >>37.  Beer doesn't have a mother.
>> > >>38.  Beer doesn't have morals.
>> > >>39.  Beer doesn't go crazy once a month.
>> > >>40.  Beer always listens and never argues.
>> > >>41.  Beer labels don't go out of style every year.
>> > >>42.  Beer doesn't whine, it bubbles.
>> > >>43.  Beer doesn't have cold hands/feet.
>> > >>44.  Beer doesn't demand legality.
>> > >>45.  Beer is never overweight.
>> > >>46.  If you change beers, you don't have to pay alimony.
>> > >>47.  Beer won't run off with your credit cards.
>> > >>48.  Beer doesn't have a lawyer.
>> > >>49.  Beer doesn't need much closet space.
>> > >>50.  Beer can't give your herpes or other nasty things.
>> > >>51.  Beer doesn't complain about the way you drive.
>> > >>52.  Beer doesn't mind if you fart or belch.
>> > >>53.  Beer never changes its mind.
>> > >>54.  Beer doesn't tease you or play hard to get.
>> > >>55.  Beer never asks you to change the station.
>> > >>56.  Beer doesn't make you go shopping.
>> > >>57.  Beer doesn't tell you to mow the grass.
>> > >>58.  Beer doesn't mind seeing Chuck Norris and Charles Bronson flicks.
>> > >>59.  Beer is always easy to pick up.
>> > >>60.  Big, fat beers are nice to have.
>> > >>61.  Beer doesn't pout or play games.
>> > >>62.  Beer NEVER says no.
>> > >>63.  Beer is easy to get into.
>> > >>64.  Beer never complains when you take it somewhere.
>> > >>65.  Beer doesn't need to go to the 'powder room' with other beers.
>> > >>66.  Beer doesn't wear a bra.
>> > >>67.  Beer doesn't mind getting dirty.
>> > >>68.  Beer doesn't complain about insensitivity.
>> > >>69.  Beer doesn't use up your toilet paper.
>> > >>70.  Beer doesn't live with its mother.
>> > >>71.  Beer doesn't blow you off.
>> > >>72.  Beer doesn't care if you have no culture or manners.
>> > >>73.  Beer doesn't bitch, yell, or cry.
>> > >>74.  Beer doesn't mind football season.
>
>86 REASONS WHY A BEER IS BETTER THAN A MAN??? ( i think a woman wote this 
>bit!)
>> > >>
>> > >>1.  A beer makes life easier.
>> > >>2.  A beer NEVER leaves the toilet seat up.
>> > >>3.  A beer lasts longer than seven seconds.
>> > >>4.  A beer doesn't want to watch pro wrestling.
>> > >>5.  A beer won't expect you to cook dinner when you're
>> > >>    not hungry.
>> > >>6.  A beer will never leave dirty socks on the floor.
>> > >>7.  A beer will never expect you to sit in the wet spot
>> > >>    IT makes.
>> > >>8.  A beer doesn't care if you go shopping.
>> > >>9.  A beer doesn't mind when your mother visits.
>> > >>10. A beer does as many chores as a man, with a LOT less 
>> > >>    complaining.
>> > >>11. A beer won't leave you for a younger woman.
>> > >>12. A beer won't leave you for a younger man either.
>> > >>13. You don't have to worry about getting AIDS from a bisexual beer.
>> > >>14. Having a beer can't make you pregnant.
>> > >>15. A beer won't tease you because you once liked Barry Manilow.
>> > >>16. A beer will never smell like a man.
>> > >>17. A beer doesn't wouldn't trade you in on a sports car.
>> > >>18. If a beer did have a sports car, it wouldn't love it more than 
>you.
>> > >>19. A beer doesn't want to go out alone with the other beers.
>> > >>20. A beer doesn't sulk.
>> > >>21. A beer wouldn't waste its money on Playbeer magazine.
>> > >>22. A beer won't switch the TV channel.
>> > >>23. A beer doesn't have to sleep with the windows open.
>> > >>24. A beer doesn't snore.
>> > >>25. A beer can't interrupt.
>> > >>26. A beer doesn't care that you can't find your car's carburator.
>> > >>27. A beer doesn't think black leather bikinis are neat.
>> > >>28. A beer doesn't belch.
>> > >>29. Or fart.
>> > >>30. A beer doesn't mind having pantyhose dry in the bathroom.
>> > >>31. A beer doesn't care that you don't balance your checkbook.
>> > >>32. A good beer is easy to find.
>> > >>33. Tall, dark, good-looking beers are common.
>> > >>34. A beer can't pout.
>> > >>35. A beer doesn't have a mother.
>> > >>36. A beer doesn't have friends who will drink your beer.
>> > >>37. A beer wouldn't yell if you dented the car.
>> > >>38. A beer won't get jealous if you enjoy another beer.
>> > >>39. A beer won't even mind if you have another six pack.
>> > >>40. A beer doesn't buy everything labelled "turbo".
>> > >>41. A beer won't care if you gain five pounds.
>> > >>42. A beer will be there for anytime of the month.
>> > >>43. A beer doesn't want children.
>> > >>44. A beer doesn't think poetry is queer.
>> > >>45. A beer isn't ready until you're ready.
>> > >>46. If the beer is finished before you are, you can have another beer.
>> > >>47. A beer can't talk about the women who had it before you.
>> > >>48. Hangovers go away.
>> > >>49. A beer tastes good.
>> > >>50. Having a beer doesn't make you want to take a shower.
>> > >>51. A beer would never leave hair in the bottom of the bathtub.
>> > >>52. A beer is never late.
>> > >>53. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
>> > >>54. A beer's life does not revolve around the world series.
>> > >>55. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers' 
>> > >>    quarterback.
>> > >>56. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
>> > >>57. A beer would never make fun of your new outfit.
>> > >>58. A beer never needs a shave.
>> > >>59. You don't have to let a beer win.
>> > >>60. A beer doesn't care what toppings you get on the pizza.
>> > >>61. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you
>> > >>    have to sleep with a beer too.
>> > >>62. A beer doesn't have morning breath.
>> > >>63. A beer never wants to go to the drag races.
>> > >>64. A beer is happy to go where ever you want to go.
>> > >>65. A beer helps with the houswork.
>> > >>66. A beer will never drink the last beer.
>> > >>67. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
>> > >>68. You can't get herpes from a beer.
>> > >>69. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
>> > >>70. A beer always lets you read the Sunday comics first.
>> > >>71. A beer is seldom messy.
>> > >>72. When a beer is finished, it doesn't roll over and go to sleep.
>> > >>73. After you've had a beer, all you're committed to doing is
>> > >>    throwing out the container.
>> > >>74. A beer container is recyclable.
>> > >>75. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
>> > >>76. A beer will NEVER call you "Babe". Or "Sugar".
>> > >>77. A beer is never tempermental.
>> > >>78. A beer will never complain about your cooking.
>> > >>79. A cold beer is a good beer.
>> > >>80. A beer is not kinky unless you want it to be kinky.
>> > >>81. A beer will never worry about losing its hair.
>> > >>82. A big, fat beer is nice to have.
>> > >>83. A beer is never too sensitive.
>> > >>84. A beer won't steal the covers.
>> > >>85. You don't have to laugh at a beer's jokes.
>> > >>86. A beer won't mind at all if you're not in the mood for beer.
>