Ketchup, and Why I'm Voting For Kerry
| Published 10/01/04

 


Graphic by: Doni Neel

The upcoming presidential election is one of the hottest current topics. Bush or Kerry: who are you voting for? We've heard all of the arguments. Who has the best policies? Who is the most capable of running the country? Who has the best qualifications?  Even the media has gotten involved, an example being Michael Moore's controversial anti-Bush film "Fahrenheit 9/11."

Admittedly, I'm in the anti-Bush camp and will be voting Kerry in the upcoming election, but not solely for the standard reasons. Policies and issues are all well and good, but we've heard them all before. How about for some reasons you might not have considered?

Point 1: Ketchup.

As you may or may not know, John Kerry is married to Teresa Heinz-Kerry, of the Heinz ketchup fortune. This automatically gives him an advantage on George W. Bush. If he loses, who knows what will happen to the ketchup! He might choose to use his wife's influence and horde the ketchup until we impeach George W. out of sheer need for condiments. With that said, I urge you all to vote Kerry - if not for the sake of anti-Bush sentiments, but for the sake of those of us that can't stand a dry cheeseburger.

Point 2: The voice of the people.

The president of the United States is the voice that goes along with the body of our country. In the past few years our voice has come out sounding inarticulate and ignorant at times. Do you care for an example? Here's how it's been sounding lately:

"It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it." (May 5, 2000)

"Rarely is the question asked: is our children learning?" (Jan 11, 2000)

"I think it's fine as long as it's Christian prayers. Anything else is un-American." (on praying at school football games)

"One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures."

"For every fatal shooting, there were roughly three non-fatal shootings. And, folks, this is unacceptable in America. It's just unacceptable. And we're going to do something about it."

"It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that's doing it."

"We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."

"I have opinions of my own- strong opinions- but I don't always agree with them."

"I have made good judgments in the past.  I have made good judgments in the future."

"Guns don't kill people; Guns are designed and manufactured for the purpose of enabling people to use the guns to kill people."

I, for one, am tired of the sound and I think that we need a fresh, new voice - or at least one that doesn't stutter.

Whether this has changed your mind, reinforced your original opinion, appalled you or amused you, I hope that above all it has reminded you of the upcoming elections. To quote the old children's TV show G.I. Joe, "Now you know, and knowing is half the battle."

No matter which way you decide to vote, please vote.  

 

Responses:
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Name: Marilyn
Comments:
it's funny how such a light-hearted article spawned such angry feelings ;)

Name: Michelle
Major: English
Comments:
"All it takes is a little effort to present yourself effectively, so how can I NOT make fun of it." - PUNCTUATION ERROR! Lighten up, folks.

Comments:
You meant "discredited," not "miscredited," (that’s non-standard, too) and "exposed" is a better word. Contrary to your position, you don’t have to be the Grammar God to catch these mistakes. You just have to pay attention. My degree from my “alma matter” (sic) is in English (I can only pray yours will not be). Furthermore, I can’t “peer-edit” your papers because we are not peers; you are a student with poor written communication skills, and I am an editor…you couldn’t afford my fee. My point is that every time you write, especially in a public forum where you give your email address as Cassandra did, your intelligence is judged by the reader. When you write like Cassandra (or like you), you sound less intelligent. This isn’t a big deal when you are a janitor, but when you want to teach children, a noble occupation, you should be a role model in every way. All it takes is a little effort to present yourself effectively, so how can I NOT make fun of it. And while it may seem picky or mean, I’ll bet Cassandra won’t confuse “led” and “lead” in the future or use “irregardless” in her resume.

Comments:
I'm sorry, I didn't realize that the Grammar God had gotten on this line of chat. People make mistakes, for instance, Kerry is the democratic candidate. There you go. Oh I'm sorry, am I not allowed to argue for Bush either, I didn't realize that if I made a grammar mistake that I was miscredited. I'll agree with Cassandra on this one. Public speaking is only one facet of being the President. Welcome to the real world. I hope your alma matter gave you a degree for being a Grammar God, I have some papers that need to be peer-edited.

Comments:
No Cassandra...actually, I don't care what your political views are...I just thought you sounded like a moron and wanted to make fun of you. Obviously you don't mind sounding like a moron, though, so I don't know why I bothered. Regarding your imminent graduation from my alma mater and your pending state certification as an educator, my only hope is that the principal reviewing your resume has enough sense to know the difference between “lead” and “led” and passes over you for the position. (By the way, just the thought of what reading your resume must be like makes my skin crawl...I feel sure it's a grammar graveyard.) In any case, I also hope the principal doesn’t judge all Radford graduates based on your ignorance, “irregardless” of the fact that we all have the same degree and certification that you will.

Name: Cassandra Cox
Year: Junior
Major: Elem. Ed
Comments:
I see that you have resorted to the antics of your presidential choice, personal attacks. I WILL be teaching your children with my non-standard English, my Republican views, my diploma from Radford University, and license from the Commonwealth of Virginia. The "Cancel my subscription" button is dreadfully close.

Name: Zoe
Comments:
Sorry, I thought by stating that "no matter which way you decide to vote, please vote" showed a SERIOUS interest in the election. My mistake...

Comments:
How can you NOT see the humor in the presidential election, knowing who is running? Lighten up a bit Anonymous!

Name: Anonymous
Comments:
This was just a little too silly for my taste. It is a Presidential election; perhaps it could be taken a little more seriously.

Comments:
Nice quote, Cassandra; is it your favorite aphorism? After reading your comment, I see why you support Bush: you both have a similar grasp of the English language. You meant "led" (the past tense of the verb "lead"…you know “lead”…it rhymes with “weed”) not "lead" (the 82nd element of the Periodic Table…a soft, gray metal…it rhymes with “head”). More importantly for you regarding the public’s perception of your intelligence, "irregardless" is non-standard English. Try not to use this word when you want to sound important…it doesn’t help. Also, please don’t teach this word to my children when you are a teacher. In fact, maybe you should give up your teaching aspirations and go work for the Bush campaign? You’d be a good speechwriter for him. Or maybe you could just teach math…

Name: Cassandra Cox
Year: Junior
Major: Elem. Education
Comments:
"Polished or unpolished public speaking does not a president make." Kerry relies more on hindsight than foresight and has lead his campaign by Bush bashing. Watch Fox Nightly News and catch what John Kerry said in December of 2001 - it is the opposite of everything he says now. Will he change his mind if elected in the next three years to everything opposite of what he says now? (again) Irregardless of what John Kerry's abilities are for president, he nor anyone else should be allowed to make the public statements he has about our current Commander in Chief.