One Flu Over the Cuckoo's Nest
| Published 11/03/04

Graphic by: Zoe Brown

Fall always seems to bring a wave of change to our lives. We have a political election coming up; the air is getting colder; leaves are changing, and, last but not least, the flu is rearing its ugly head all over campus. The flu has made its fall debut and is going to be hanging around for a good long time.

Back in the good old days, fighting off the flu was very sporting -- everyone did it and everyone expected to. The flu was a part of our lives and an excellent reason to keep one's immune system in tip-top shape. These days the age old art of flu warfare has been spat upon with this new fangled weapon, your friend and mine, the flu vaccine.  

  By all means, the flu vaccine a good thing -- for people who actually need it. But for those healthy individuals who could easily fight off the flu, it's a bit lazy, if you ask me. Don't get me wrong. I don't enjoy the flu any more than you guys, but I'm also not banging on Canada's door for a few more doses. Since when did it turn into a necessity? You'd think the vaccine was more addictive than crack by the way people are demanding it.

I've decided after much deliberation to head to Canada, stock up and start selling vaccine in the dark corners and back alleys of Radford. Mr. Jumbles will be my code name, and vaccination will be my game. Lave the money wrapped in three condoms, dipped them in hot wax, placed it in a shoe and throw it into the New River. I'll retrieve the money down river with my fishing rod, and I'll leave the vaccine frozen inside a 20-pound block of ice which will be disguise as a large pumpkin in your front yard. Once you receive the vaccine, shoot three red flares and do the lambada to signal your satisfaction.

It may sound like a silly idea to you guys, but you've got to have fun with dealing. It's silly, because the whole idea of a flu shot for healthy people is silly. Let's say you take the flu shot for several years consecutively, then a crisis like the one we have now pops up and you can't take it. Though I'm not a doctor, I can only imagine that you would have the worst flu you'd ever had in your life, because your body wasn't allowed to fight it off naturally for so long. Not to convenient now, is it?

I go on this rant, because I overheard a conversation between two people in class the other day praising the importance of the shot. When I inquired as to their need of it, they told me the flu was an inconvenience to their lives. Have we really turned into such lazy people that we have to eradicate every little inconvenience that pops up in our lives? At least for me, I'll go on year after year without this magical shot. When the day finally comes that all the vaccine runs dry, I'll be sitting on my mountain of chicken noodle soup. I will then sell it for $20 a can, and cover it in Vaseline and put in it in a pickle jar which will be catapulted into your back yard. "Why?" you ask. Because the easy way of doing things isn't always the best.