View Feedback | Send this Article | Published 3/21/03

Graphic By: Andrew Kinback

You heard me right. Jesus. You know, Son of God, King of the Jews, the Messiah. People of the Christian religion have a thing for him as well, I hear. He is undoubtedly the most famous and influential figure in World History. I am going to vent about this dude. Let me start off by saying I completely dig this man. I am a believer. But I am not one of those psychos who goes to church religiously and closes his eyes, puts his hands up in the air, and goes into convulsions over hearing a really creepy and hokey song about God. Personally, I believe every time people do that, Jesus is up at the Heavenly Gates laughing his ass off, wondering what in God's name is going through their minds. I am also not one to push my beliefs onto anyone else. It is your choice to believe or not to. That is not the point of this article. The point of this article is just to say that Jesus is one cool dude, once you think about it.

The people of the earth today really give Jesus a bad rep. People envision this man stuck in the biblical days of "If you are not good and do not pray, you will rot in eternal hell!" Hmph. Come on. Get your head out of Friar Tuck's butt. I truly believe Jesus is just like you and me. The type of guy you could find on any street corner of America, walk up to, and strike up a conversation with. Share a beer. Play a game of football. Talk about world events. But unlike normal street corner guys, Jesus has done some outstanding things. Whether you believe them or not, they are really quite remarkable. Before coming to Radford University almost four years ago, I had never met so many atheists. But all of the athiests that I talked to, although they do not believe in him, agree that the story of Jesus is a wonderful story.

Everyone has his or her heroes and idols. For some reason, some people really dig Ricky Martin because of his looks and dance moves. Jesus has him beat ten-fold. Historical evidence shows that women back in the day really were all over Jesus, and some became loyal followers. Dance moves? I would love to see Ricky Martin walk on water. Max Von Sydow does one exorcism on Linda Blair in a movie and people think he is wonderful. Jesus did multiple exorcisms and didn't have to throw himself out a window to finish the job. Ken Griffey Jr. has been playing baseball for 15 years and still hasn't found a cult following worth dirt. Jesus spent 40 days and 40 nights fasting in the desert and he came out the man with the plan! Let's not forget one of Jesus' best. While George W. Bush is trying to raise support for some crazy ass war, Jesus raised the dead! How many people do you know who have done all that and not taken a lifetime to do it? Jesus lived to be 33 years old. And we have people moaning about turning 30. Sheesh.

While Jesus has done all these cool things, nothing beats the ultimate sacrifice he made for pathetic monkeys like you and me. He was crucified for our sins. He looked up to the heavens and said, "Look Dad, they don't know what they are doing or saying. I dented the car. Use the belt on me." Holy smokes, if that isn't love, I don't know what is. Brittany Spears, Justin Timberlake, and Fred Durst in some weird love triangle is not love. Jesus showed ultimate love, even to those who hated him. But Jesus wasn't any wuss either. He stood by his beliefs and mission, and instead of hiding in caves and avoiding the Roman Empire, he went to Jerusalem. The J-City was the heart of his people, but also the main viper's nest of the Romans in the area. That's like walking into some RU Frat House, smacking one of the brothers in the face, and saying what a pig he is. Jesus had balls man.

What a role model Jesus is, and what a fun dude. Just look at Mardi Gras; the world celebrates the Twelfth Night Feast of the Epiphany -- the day, tradition has it, that the three Kings first visited Jesus Christ. Plus, metal music. Satan cannot make something that good. Ozzy has it all wrong. Jesus is a metal music freak. Just look at all the metal music albums that have religious meanings in the music and have the crucifixion scene on the cover.

But the point of all this is that people really look at Jesus as a sappy guy who looks to damn us all. That is not the case. He really should be viewed as someone you would want as a friend, whether you believe in him or not. Believe in Jesus as you want to believe in him. You don't have to go to church and listen to some tart who got his college degree in religion and philosophy. You don't have to avoid getting a tattoo. Drop as many F-Bombs as you want. Jesus is ultimate love, and if you believe in that, I believe he can overlook those little mistakes you've made and still put in a good word to The Man Upstairs. Oh yeah, one more thing. If you see Jesus on campus, tell him I am going to kick his ass in bowling next time we play. Jesus loves bowling.