View Feedback | Send this Article | Published 3/28/03

Graphic By: Baudi Ratcliffe-Hollins

  Whim's April Fool's Edition

Ah, finally, Bush and Saddam have made peace, just before war was about to break out. It's great that they've come to an agreement. It's too bad the whole thing was over a big misunderstanding. It's also too bad that the first George Bush couldn't fix things with Saddam the first time, but it's good that our beloved W. is so bright; he fixed everything by himself and didn't even need France or the U.N.

Saddam did have weapons of mass destruction. He claimed he didn't have them because he was afraid of the U.N., but at the same time, that's why he had them. Saddam was insecure and wanted to keep them for protection. Plus, he thought they were pretty and wanted to see them displayed. Luckily for him, Bush is letting him keep them. W. understands. He would, after all; he was unanimously voted our president!

So, Bush and Saddam are best friends and they own a monopoly on the oil industry. What does this mean? Well, we're lucky to be Americans because our oil is so cheap as a result of this partnership. Other countries are crying, wishing they were Americans. The U.N. isn't too happy about this new friendship; after all, who is going to be the bad guy now? Only the U.S. and other "coalition" countries get to reap the benefits of friendship with Saddam, which is now called the Freedom Friendship.

This really is great news for the world. Can you imagine what would have happened if our two favorite leaders didn't settle things? We'd be at war! Innocent lives would be lost over a simple misunderstanding! Well, it's good that war was avoided. I, for one, am glad that W. listened to protesters, France, and the U.N., and found an intelligent way to solve his problems.

This friendship brings some other changes as well. Because of our friendship with Iraq, the government is putting Allah everywhere. No longer do we only trust in God, but now it's "in Allah and God we trust." Also, the pledge of allegiance now says "One nation, under God and Allah." Just when we thought courts were going to take our beloved God out of our schools and currency, they added Allah.

Another great change implemented by the new friendship is that our women will no longer show us every part of their bodies. We will no longer lust after them. Now they must abide by the same rules as Iraqi women. Sure, this violates the Constitution, but thankfully, that document is no longer important. What's important now is oil!
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Greg Woodruff is Whim's long-haired hippie freak Staff Writer.