Tech Sex Toy Review: Unzip Your Fly and Grab Your Credit Card!

View Feedback | Send this Article | Published 4/18/04


Graphic By: Jonelle Thackston

Drum role, please. It is time for another smashing edition of Tech's "Sex Toy Review" with your host, the biggest sex monkey on the East Coast, Andrew "Shaggy" Kinback. This week, I have some enticing gizmos to show you. "The Age of Pleasure" is still in its prime, and these toys show it. Sometimes I wonder if these are actually toys or pieces of art. If they are art, then most of us know where to stick them.

Pleasure Pearls: Holy smokes. The presentation of this device is awesome. I give it props for that! This oyster holds two white pearls in its mouth. However, you do not wear these pearls around your neck. You place them somewhere else. Modeled after the popular ancient arousal toy Ben Wa Balls, these 3/4" in diameter, weighted balls, will have you swimming in pleasure and ecstasy. These vaginal balls are perfect size to carry in your purse or put in a bedside drawer. Clean-up is simply washing them in warm, soapy water. You have to wonder; why are sex toys about the sea and fish?

Fireman's Pump: Red-hot and sassy, but this boy doesn't carry a big hose... or does he? The Fireman Pump is a penis pump for men who are looking to increase the fire in the hole. The pump has a black latex cuff that supports your manhood. Then all you do is start pumping and watch your member fill the 8" x 2-1/4" see-through cylinder. Your lover is in a hot situation. Grab your pump and rescue her from her fire of desire. Clean-up is minimal, but if needed clean out with soapy, warm water.

Rubber Ball Gag: I remember seeing this little device used in a scene in "Pulp Fiction." It has given me nightmares ever since. However, for all you slave fetish peoples, here is the classic Rubber Ball Gag. Stick the pink rubber ball in your slave's mouth and adjust the leather strap for proper fitting. Treat your slave like the dirt they are! The only clean up is slobber, so have your slave wash it with warm soapy water after use, or if they don't, whip them!

The Tongue II: I think this toy got its design from the Rolling Stones, but for those ladies looking for a hot good time, the Tongue II is better than "Jumping Jack Flash"! This vibrator is the perfect shape for clitoral stimulation. At the end of the vibe is a latex, realistic-feeling tongue that will have you guessing whether your lover is really down there or not. The Tongue II also has a Japanese motor that runs at five speeds and is extremely quiet. So if you're in an office doing your internship privately, pull this small vibe out of your purse and earn some personal credit hours! Four AA batteries are required for the Tongue II. The tip can be cleaned with warm soapy water. Lubricant is suggested.

All these wonderful products can be found at Xandria.

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