"For long you'll live and high you'll fly
And smiles you give and tears you'll cry
And all you touch and all you see
Is all your life will ever be."
Pink Floyd: Dark Side of the Moon "Breathe"
This installment is dedicated to my friend Kim. I'm forever greatful that I
took her advice.
Last week on the advice of a friend, I called a woman I've known for over a
year and ended any and all reminents
of our "relationship." Last February she ended it for the first time and
instant messaged me back in December,
wanting to try again. This time almost nothing was different than the last. I
was strung along like a kite,
waiting for her to decide what she wanted, and so I felt the need to close the
door on that part of my life for
good.
The fact of the matter is that the woman I was "involved" with has been slowly
realizing a few things. She's a senior
in college and has been accepted into NYU for law school. She has the inborn
ability to be successful. It just comes naturally to her. Her parents' success
affords her more money than most people would know what to do with. She is
truly "people who know people." She is perfectly poised to jump into a life
that she has been meticulously groomed for and been told to want all of her
life. All she has to do is follow the prescribed path set before her and she
has a straight line to the good life. Only one minor detail causes any problems
here.
She's finally realizing that she might not want it.
There was just something powerful about this woman that attracted me to her.
She had this flare that any strong
woman radiates. I've always found it incredibly sexy. She always seemed so
bold, decisive and daring. To say
the least, I was proud of her. After a while reality set in, though. She was
paralizyed by her inability to make
decisions. As much as she wants to be the bold, decisive and daring woman she
was taught to be, change is scary. Even with the overwhelming resources
providing a virtual safety net, she fears the consequences of making the wrong
choice.
Sometimes I feel the fear of uncertainty stinging clear
And I can't help but ask myself how much I'll let the fear take the wheel and
steer
It's driven me before, and it seems to have a vague, haunting mass appeal
But lately I am beginning to find that I should be the one behind the wheel
Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes
Incubus: Wish You Were Here "Drive"
The fact is that if you don't like something going on in your life you can
change it. Change comes in more flavors than you can imagine. We can always
change. But the fact is we don't always want to change. We will change only
when we want it so bad that it comes from the very depths of our being.
I'm not some sort of social scientist. I learned what I've learned the hard
way. I needed to change and I wanted it bad enough. Change isn't easy. The
last thing I ever wanted to do was call her and tell her what needed to be
said. Change takes courage and hard work. Always be prepared to make a bad
choice and live with it. More importantly, be prepared to learn from it and
make yourself a better person. Only then will you ever truly live.
Peace and love be with you all.
Responses:
Refresh frame to view latest entries.
Name: Shag-Himself
Comments:
At least he spelled "spaz" right...
Name: Your Momma
Comments:
Nat Sweetie,
DID YOU EVEN READ THE ARTICLE? If you did you would have understood where the man was coming from. He had no influence on what this girl's uncertainties were or are. The author is talking about when you take a step back and analyze a situation you can see more clearly what needs to be done. I think if it was an obsession he would have just wrote the whole thing about how he can't let her go or would be off stalking her right now instead of writing. But did he do that- no. So instead of taking your time to write down your own "two cents" you might want to invest that small amount of pocket change to finding a life.
Name: Dogg-Himself
Comments:
Dear Nat,
It's not our fault somebody dumped you. Learn how to spell.
Sincerely
Dogg
Name: Nat P. Ranger
Comments:
I'm gad you used this open forum to sing your bleeding fart I mean heart. You were obviously only having an obsession and never were really emotioanlly evolved ecept for mayeb for twisted mental world where you thgouth you matterted to her. now apprently you've made her question her entire lifes goal. which to say isn't nessiciarilly a bad ting, but to destrt soemones life takea ot of work and I can tell you put some time into. Blessed be those who are ignorant. Frannkly I think you are probably too much of a drifter and spaz to ever really understand the world and as such shoudl stick to grazing with farm animals and inanimate objects as to really be invloded with humans obviosuy has drastic consequences. which inevitably lead to doubt,self-worthlessness,and refuge from a better life. as far as teh girl is concerned I can think of plenty of people in my life which I've had to block out and get rid of because soem women jsut don't get now mater how many times there bf or husband, cheat on em, beat on em, or mooch off of them. Or I can see a girl so wrapped up ina organiztion (of any type), that she becomes totally inept to face reality. adn there fore may brign you into that organization to join her in woe ignorance adn bliss... but to utterly change soemones path, for better or worse, when they shodul be thinking onthere own.. your external whining, for her to stoop to your level is in my opion childish. adn proves you have no inkling of how to live in reality. thats my 2 cents
Name: Steve Glassbrenner
Comments:
Wow, quite frankly George it's scary just how similar our situations are. It is one of the hardest decisions to make, but eventually you have to realize that you deserve better. And as hard as it is, you have to put your trust in something much greater than yourself, that you will be rewarded with someone down the line who will love you the way that everyone deserves to be loved. I'm so happy that this spoke to you. Faith can be the hardest thing to keep, but it will never go unrewarded. Thanks so much for reading.
Name: George J. Proferes
Year: 1987
Major: Bus - Marketing
Comments:
What a strange "coincidence" Steve! "Gods got a plan, he's makin' it clear..." Anything for Your Love, Eric Clapton. Every so often I check out this website thinking how nice it would have been to have something like this when I attended RU. Anyway, I made my decsion last night to get "unengaged" to a woman similar to the one you described here; powerful, action oriented, someone who makes it happen in all apsects of her life (which I find very attractive too)...except her relationships. We have stopped seeing each other and got "back together" several times. Its always great at first and when we start getting really close she becomes emotionally unavailable to me and will stay that way for months. She is a good woman and she does love me but she cannot seem to let herself get close to anyone in a relationship (her history has allot to do with that). She needs to embrace change and make this happen..she wants to but cannot...very very sad. My heart can no longer take this emotional "feast or famine" despite the fact that I love her and want good things for her.
Thanks for posting this aticle. Kim's got it right... have faith in yourself and God. Best wishes to you and..."who knows what the tide may bring" - Tom Hanks in the movie where he's stranded on the island by himself(sorry - can't remember what its called).
Name: Kim
Year: junior
Major: Theater
Comments:
So steve, you have finally come into your own. I am really proud of you for taking the steps to make yourself happy. I don't think enough people in this world do that. We have so many talks about life, and it is good to see that some of the ramblings I have are put to good use. Anyways, you are awesome. And don't worry because in the end there are only two people you need to worry about answering to; yourself and God.
Name: John
Comments:
Spoken from the heart. Good article.
|
