View Feedback | Send this Article | Published 3/28/03

Graphic By: Jonelle Thackston

  Whim's April Fool's Edition

"Wow, what a year," declared Candi Burns, new director of Radford University's prostitution program. "We've made more money than was ever imaginable."

Burns came in as director back in October when Jacob Wheeler retired for medical reasons.

"He caught Hepatitis C," stated Burns very bluntly. "Things like that happen in this industry. You have to be prepared to give up your career at a moment's notice."

Burns, a veteran of the sex trade, has seven years experience. She is best known for her work as a New York madame. Radford seems to like the results she's brought to the program.

"It's insane. The volume of business we've done this year is remarkable. Who'd have thought so many college guys would actually pay for sex?" states Burns.

She is not just blowing steam. Radford has done very well for itself with the program. With hundreds of sales each month, the money just keeps rolling in. The sales during homecoming weekend topped over $10,000.

"Yeah, we were definitely pleased with those numbers," said Burns. "Seems alumni still like college girls."

With the success of this "sin program" Radford is looking into expanding into other vice-based businesses.

Burns stated, "I've heard they're looking into a hydroponics lab for the production of marijuana."

Whatever the University decides, it is clear that prostitution is here to stay.