On Oct. 6, in an interview on CBS' 60 Minutes newsmagazine, the Rev. Jerry Falwell called the prophet Muhammad, the cornerstone of Islamic faith, a "terrorist." I have to admit I'm having a hard time being a true journalist and looking at things from both perspectives...wait, this is an editorial. This whole section is for editorials. So, I can say exactly what I feel: Falwell, for the sake of humankind, shut your piehole.

Islam accounts for the beliefs of one billion citizens of the world. I guess for Jerry Jerry Bo Berry that means there are one billion terrorists in the world, with about one billion canisters of nerve gas waiting to be unleashed upon his pristine Liberty University campus, where I bet Banana Fanna Fo Ferry is expecting Jesus to appear any day now, maybe on alumni weekend.

Truth be told, Muhammad was not unlike the Christians Fee Fi Fo Ferry holds in such high regard. According to Muhammad.net, "he preached a religion, founded a state, built a nation, laid down a moral code, initiated numberless social and political reforms, established a dynamic and powerful society to practice and represent his teachings, and he revolutionized the worlds of human thought and human action for all time." That sounds very much like Jesus Christ to me, in a lot of respects. Not only that, Allah and God are one and the same deity.

Oh no, watch out, I pointed out something Scary Jerry didn't want you to know! I'm being menaced by Pat Robertson and Ralph Reed! My mouth is being pried open and my own copy of the Bible is being shoved down my throat, with some random Gideon cramming a New Testament up my anal cavity! My whole room has been coated with duct tape! Charles Darwin¹s corpse is being exhumed and beaten! The 700 Club just bought AOL-Time Warner! The...

After the constantly revisited events of Sept. 11, we have to be sensitive to the feelings of everyone around us, especially the families of the victims, and even the families of the perpetrators and the accused. More than once, Jerry the Devil Fairy has demonstrated that he's incapable of showing feelings of solidarity towards people who are not male, white, middle-class, Protestant, misogynistic, homophobic and ethnocentric.

Jerry, I strongly suggest you get the crap out of the 1950s. You are not the mayor of Pleasantville. You are a preacher. You play the role of someone who must create community, not destroy it to enforce your own ideals and cover it up with the guise of spreading your faith.

Get some manners, or get a new job.