Jeff Davis | Vent Section Manager

3/01/02

One of the things that disgusts me most in the world is people who buy their children really nice cars. I mean really. One of the objectives of parenting is to, in some way, prepare one’s child for the world. I’ve been seeing much evidence of some interesting parenting techniques on campus and off, if in fact parents are responsible for what I've been seeing.

In high school I knew a girl who had a terrible driving record but despite this and her parents' dwindling finances she came to school in a shiny new TransAm. This same kind of gluttony got to me when I saw a very tiny girl who couldn’t have been more than 18 prowling in the parking lot beside Heth Plaza in a BMW X5, a $40,000 ride…at least.

It was probably hers because it had an RU parking permit on the rear-view mirror and it didn’t seem to be commuter-colored (trust me, I know a bit about parking permits). I suppose I can’t really infer that it was in fact hers, but what is someone that young doing behind the wheel of such an advanced vehicle? Believe me, a car is not a car is not a car. You can’t step out of a Ford Escort and then get into a Volvo S60 T5 without some knowledge, for example. You put the pedal down the way you do in the Escort and you’re liable to wreck if you don’t realize the difference in the cars. I don’t think someone so young and inexperienced should be behind the wheel of such a powerful, expensive, and dangerous machine.

It was spotless, too. Why does anyone buy an SUV anymore? To climb through the vast jungles of…the interstate. Recent statistics show that 95 percent of four-wheel-drives have never engaged that particular option. All the hours many workers in South Carolina put into those drive trains will likely never be justified. Even more up-level utes, like all Land Rovers and some Jeep models, rarely go off-road anymore. The only thing that sets these boxes apart from the rest of the metal mass is clubs that charge high admission to go four-wheeling on pre-carved trails.

That Bimmer, according to several magazines, including Road and Track and Car and Driver, gets 15 miles to the gallon. Hardly economical for a full- time or even part-time student, unless this kid was one of those 17-year- old dot-commers who makes $2,000 a day or recently had a visit from Ed McMahon. Most likely, she has outside sources. If I’m wrong, I’m wrong. Maybe my eyesight has gotten so bad that I only thought I saw a sweet-faced little blond that looked like she was in high school sitting several feet off the ground.

I’m not too sure on that, however, after I’ve seen kids with backpacks and text books climb out of Lexus RX300s, Mercedes Benz ML320s and, possibly the biggest example of American triple-cheeseburger excess, Cadillac Escalades. Some of these are quite pimped out. Being a sickly opinionated car buff, I think you’d have to do a lot of “steel surgery” to these vehicles before I considered pumping ten semesters of tuition money into one. These vehicles, when nicely equipped, can crest the $50,000 and even $60,000 marks. For that kind of money they should look like nothing else on the road. Only the grossly expensive AM General Hummer and perhaps the much less expensive yet horribly received Isuzu Axiom achieve this. Too bad even Lexuses are all starting to look alike. Even Mercedes, the oldest and most respected car company in the world, is falling to a lack of design integrity among its otherwise diverse line-up.

One of my roommates nearly wigged when he saw a youngish girl driving a Ford Excursion…alone. The Ford Excursion is the biggest stock vehicle ever made in America. Unless she was hiding illegal immigrants in there or frequently totes nine friends and a boat up a mountain, there’s no reason to drive a vehicle that gets seven miles to the gallon. At least she didn’t have one of those “Save the Bay” stickers parallel to the vehicle’s butthole.

Are these kids the privileged few who got money when they brought home a satisfactory report card? Do their families have more money than sense? How will any charmed child learn independence when their parents pay for the car, and especially if they pay for maintenance and insurance and similar necessities?

What if they wreck? Do they get a new Range Rover?

It isn’t just SUVs. I see kids parading around in full-size Lexuses and Infinitis. My only hope is they were hand-me-downs from Daddy who has an even newer one with a GPS and Connolly leather. I think the SUVs get to me more because too many people don’t know how to drive them. Like I said before, driving such cars is another world. One night I had to drive my uncle’s Cherokee. I was very shocked at the difference and was driving way under the speed limit to accommodate for the alienation. Now he has a Land Rover and I pray I never have to play chauffer with that. They do flip easier. That whole angry-mother campaign you hear about SUVs being top-heavy: believe it.

If I ever become so successful that I could afford to buy my kids cars, I won’t give them that pleasure. I only value the car I have now because I handle each and every expense. I’m not saying these kids aren’t good people, they’re just very spoiled and I hope they are better at appreciating things than I may give them credit for.