Steve Glassbrenner | Toon Section Manager

3/29/02

At a press release held Monday evening at the glorious Covington Mansion, Dr. "Doctor" Covington revealed that he is a cyborg sent from the late 21st century, to protect Whim and Tartan Sports writer Doug McKinney from the Matrix. "If you want to live, come with me," Covington said to reporters and led them inside. Upon entering the palatial Covington Mansion, Mrs. Covington greeted them, serving brownies laced with Pixie Stix and catnip.

After entertaining everyone with a rousing rendition of "Baby Got Back", Covington proceeded to answer the burning questions that have circulated since the rumors of his roboticy began. "Yes I am here to protect Doug McKinney from the Matrix. I will be running for governor in 2008. My wife is not from the latter half of the 21st century, but when she speaks she sounds like pistachios! Oh, and yes, whenever we go out, the people always shout 'John-Jacob-Jingleheimer-Shmidt, da-da-da-da-da-da-da'."

Finally after finishing with a strenuous game of "Chutes and Ladders" with his protectorate Doug McKinney, Dr. Covington escorted reporters to the door explaining that the guards always lock the front door by 10 pm and the R.A. might write him up if they stay past visiting hours.