Jeff Davis | Vent Section Manager

If you have a heart condition, hypertension or high cholesterol, stop reading.

I'd like to take a second to indulge upon the virtues of gluttony. I've got several moms, and they all know how to get into my heart. Hey! Put down that scalpel. I'm talking about food. Lots of it.

Pork sausage beef chicken meatballs turkey. Mashed potatoes sweet potatoes sweet potato rolls. Lasagna antipasto spaghetti. Green beans asparagus peas carrots. Pecan pie Moravian sugar cake Moravian sugar cookies fudge shortbread.

Let me go into specifics. If I'm lucky, one of my other-mothers, Katrina, will come to Christmas dinner with a pecan pie that's silkier than water. Mom makes dark chocolate fudge; thicker than mud and richer than Bill Gates. Uncle Marc, despite his recent triple-bypass (because of beer, not holiday dinner), will bring up the latest goodies from the Moravian-influenced bakeries of Winston- Salem. Those Kroger pastries don't even come close.

Harold, my other-uncle, makes a huge, black pot of peanut soup that's got to be the most sinful food in the world. My choosy moms choose this peanut soup with a garnish of crushed peanuts and parsley.

I can't forget the lasagna Mom makes every Christmas dinner. She makes two pans of lasagna with meatballs and one pan without. Sometimes she offers to make something else, but whatever she suggests is barraged with a chorus of, "Lasagna!"

And nowhere in this two-night smorgasbord will you find the annoying banter of Suzanne Somers or Richard Simmons. This season only comes once a year, and who's to say pleasure is a bad thing? My family and friends, just like you readers, are very healthy people and such meals are not a regular habit. It's our two-night throwback to the "good ol' days" when all you had to worry food- wise about was getting three square meals a day. Cholesterol didn't exist.

So while I will whole-heartedly respect your decision to worry constantly about what you eat during the holidays, I will tell you that I have tons of fun sinning on Christ's birthday!