The RU Conspiracy
Greg Woodruff | Staff Writer

Conspiracies are everywhere. With all of the conspiracies all over the world, we forget the conspiracies under our noses. So I will unveil the conspiracy that is right under your nose. I'd like to call it The RU Conspiracy. Now you are probably wondering what the conspiracy is, but you already know, although you may not realize it yet.

Have you noticed the amount of freshmen this semester? Well if you haven't then you need to have your vision checked (unless you're a freshman or transfer student, because then you definitely wouldn't notice them). If you don't know what I'm talking about then I will explain. The freshmen this year (well the ladies anyway) have decided to go to class dressed as if they were going to a party. When I was in high school in 1998, class wasn't very fun and it was far from being a party. Have things changed since then? When did class become a party? It beats me.

What the lady freshmen don't realize is that all of the guys are just sitting there in class thinking, "damn". It's hard to not pay attention to them. It's hard to not stare at a girl who's leaving very little to be imagined. I myself have trouble controlling my mind when a girl walks into a classroom like that.

Luckily, I am a good guy. However there are some guys on and off campus who aren't as nice. Have you noticed the amount of sexual assaults the first few weeks of classes? Well, I am sure that the way the ladies are dressing isn't helping to decrease that number, so maybe they should rethink their wardrobes. Now, I'm not saying that they're asking for it or anything, I'm just saying that there are guys out there who don't control themselves.

Not only do their clothes have a bad effect on guys, but it also has a bad effect on other ladies. I have already heard some of them complaining because the guys are looking at the girls that are dressed up and not them. This makes them feel unattractive and depressed. However, they don't realize that when the guys are looking at the dressed up ladies that they're only thinking about one thing.

After some time pondering, I have come up with only one reason for this behavior. I think what is going on is a conspiracy with RU to get male students to attend class more often. Certainly when ladies are going to dress as such, guys are definitely going to go to class. This is the only answer I have come up with. If you find a better one, let me know because I am baffled.