The Somewhat-Annual Candy Corn Rant
Amanda Hoffer | Staff Writer

I love Halloween. It's my favorite holiday after Thanksgiving. I love the mirth, the dressing up, and especially the candy. The only candy I can't stand is candy corn. Candy corn has to be the most disgusting creation ever placed on this planet. I know all you candy corn lovers out there are saying to yourselves that I'm crazy and have no idea what I'm talking about. So now I'm gonna give you my simple reasons for why I hate candy corn.

First off, the color scheme is all wrong. Orange, yellow, and white?! What the hell kind of color scheme is that? Would you send your kid to school dressed in those colors? Maybe if it were the 80's, but the 80's are over and so is that pattern of colors.

Secondly, what shape is the candy corn, it's not a pyramid, not a triangle, it's not conical...what the hell is it?! I don't understand. Other candy has shape. Jawbreakers are spherical, Snickers is in a bar form, even generic gum comes in cylindric form. What the hell is wrong with the stupid candy corn? Make up your mind, you stupid candy!

Finally, it's just all the remaining design flaws. It's too small to get a good sugar rush off one piece, but way too sweet and disgusting to eat more than one piece. If you can't eat more than one piece how are you going to get that wonderful sugar buzz, you know the one. The type of sugar buzz that a small child gets after consuming the contents of the sugar bowl. But you can't get that with candy corn, because even if you manage to get it down without gagging, you've got one-tenth of a gram in your system and that just won't cut it.

So now you see why I can't stand the stuff. If you dare to even offer me the stuff after reading this, I will be forced to do bad things to you or at least be mean for a little while. Happy Halloween everyone!