Tri-jones: The Ultimate College Sport
Steve Glassbrenner | Staff Writer

This season there is a new game on campus.  In the wake of upsetting sports teams and disappointing sports, a brand new one was created.  Now you can say you were competing in the Tri-Jones before it was popular.  The Tri-Jones name comes from two things, the triathlon (a race involving three events) and cojones (Spanish slang for testicles).

For each event 6 participants are necessary to make the events diversified and fair.

Laundry room event (Works best in a laundromat)

1. Hang out in laundry room.
2. Remove someone else's underwear from a dryer, wear them overtop of your regular clothes and run 20 continuous laps around the laundry room.

Scoring

1. If the person is IN the room and all laps are completed = 50pts.
2. If you know the person = -30pts.
3. If you are chased and never successfully caught = 20pts.
4. If you complete 15 or less laps = -10pts.
5. If person arrives in the middle of your victory laps and all laps are completed = 40pts.
6. If underwear is of the opposite sex = 50pts.
7. If the undies are still wet = 25pts.
8. If in the midst of your victory laps you successfully coerce a spectator that you do not know into giving you the time = 10pts.
9. If you are caught by the cops and finger Whim = You Lose (take it like a man!)
10. 2pts per unknown spectator.

Fountain Event

1. Held in the Radford University fountain.
2. Persons necessary:
   
   • General time and score keeper (with score card and stop watch)
     
   • The contestants
3. All competitors climb into the fountain clothed in the following:
   • T-shirt
   • All appropriate underwear
   • Socks
   • Tennis shoes (or any shoes made for running)
   • Pants
4. The competitors then begin to sing the chorus to "Who Let the Dogs Out" at full volume until the campus police are notified of such a contest.
5. As campus police approach the contestants are free to flee in different directions.
   
6. The last person to leave fountain wins.

Scoring

1. The last person to leave the fountain in the face of certain doom is the winner = 50pts.
2. For every article of clothing lost or removed during the duration of the chase = 10pts.
3. Enthusiasm award (awarded by Time Keeper): For those singing "Who Let The Dogs Out?" with machismo = up to 15pts.
4. Successfully dodging the authorities = 30pts.
5. Being caught by the po-po = No Points in this event.
6. 4th to last out of the fountain = 05pts. 3rd to last out of the fountain =10pts. 2nd to last out of the fountain =15pts.
7. If you are still wearing the garb from the last event = 20pts.

The Grab And Go

1. Contestants start out at Mean Gene's in Dalton.
2. Each contestant needs 1 witness to verify actions meriting extra points.
3. All contestants (with their witnesses) depart at the score keeper's word and race all over campus on foot until they find and apprehend a campus golf cart.
4. The first contestant to get said cart into the Dedmon Center swimming pool wins.
5. Upon depositing the golf cart, contestants are urged to depart the pool and lay low for several days in separate undisclosed locations.  The score keeper will tally all the points for each event and notify the winner by email.
6. Everyone else will be notified that they "suck big time."

Scoring

1. Stealing a moving golf cart already in use = 20pts.
2. Out running the user of the golf cart on the golf cart = 45pts.
3. The first to deposit the golf cart into the pool = 50pts.
4. Every subsequent deposit = 25pts.
5. Wearing the garb from the first event = 40pts.