Once upon a rough all-nighter, while I fumbled for my lighter,
Over many a long and boring volume of who-gives-a-crap lore,
While I nodded, nearly napping, suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my dorm room door,
"Tis some freshman," I muttered, "rapping at my dorm room door."
"What up, B?"
Though it was still mid-September the weather smacked of late December
(but in all this smoke I cannot remember)
And each separate dying squirrel wrought its ghost upon the floor.
As the clock at Muse was tollin’; - once again I’d just now stolen
From my book a page for rollin’ - rollin’ the sweet Mary Jane
For the rare and radiant maiden whom the rock stars named Mary Jane
And the swanky marsupial-hustling of each purple kangaroo
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before,
“Crikey, whatever will we do?”
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
"Tis some freshman entreating entrance at my dorm room door -
Some pissant entreating entrance at my dorm room door; -
This it is, and nothing more. Beeyotch."
Presently the smoke grew stronger, my feet upon the floor no longer,
"Beeyotch," said I, "have you got a whoopin’ yet in store,
But the fact is I was reading ‘til on my door you started beating.
I was about to pop you" - here I opened wide the door,
The RA, and nothing more...oh s***.’
Deep into that green cloud peering, long I stood there, laughing,
laughing,
laughing, at all the trouble I knew would be in store, because this has
happened seven
times before, but my fear at last was broken, when the RA whipped out his
lighter; he
started tokin’; and the only thing there spoken - "good s*** man, quite a
score.
Know where I can get some more?"
As we crawled along the ceiling, the vapors we now started feeling, and our
doobies
burning, burning brighter than ever before, ashes falling, falling like my
grades to the
floor, as the room with smoke was teeming, my roommate woke up, started
screaming,
like a rabid banshee seeming, from his sheets there came a gleaming,
--we were burning something more.
Harder now we started laughing, the blaze we took to photographing
Shooting as many as we pleased, angry at the roommate who would not
say "cheese,"
When down the smoky hall came stumbling, a wrathful creature, even yet - now
grumbling;
Ready to enforce the rules, he brought a stick marked “Bitch, Be Cool,”
To mess with him one would be a fool.
I knew I’d see Ms. Jane no more. He did not halt in his attack
To each he gave a mighty smack, then grabbed the stash
And started back to regulate another floor.
We would mess with that mudda no more.
Since that occurred--it’s not been long--
My room’s no longer like a bong
Since LSD is really strong...for now
I’ll just send the pot back to Mom.
What do you think?
Leave your comments below.
Comments:
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Name: Random Whimster Comments:
"Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends? Why can't we be friends?" Chill people! Since when did we turn against each other. Everyone should learn to laugh or at least shrug their shoulders and walk away. If ya don't like it that's that. No reason for name calling, threats, or the sort. We're suppose to be adults. Wouldn't it be great if we all acted that way?
Name: April Comments:
First off I'd like to say I'm not "sticking up" for anyone. I love Jeff but I also have MY opinions and I was expressing MY opinions. I never said all RAs were bad. I never said YOU were bad. You could be a wonderful RA, I don't know and I never said you were doing a bad job. All I said is people need to lighten up. Take your job seriously, be proud of what you do, just don't take yourself too seriously or you'll miss out on so much. My comments aren't meant to be negative and I admit calling you anal was going a little to far. I was in a bad mood that day and our hall director is from RU and he is being anal! (Yes I know this doesn't mean all RAs at Radford are anal) I have many RA friends and I even wanted to be an RA at one point. Jeff, Steve, and Katie did not write this to be disrespectful they wrote it for fun. That's all!
Comments:
Interesting to see how some attack the writer of the feedback.. shame.
Comments:
love me, damn it
Name: the RA Comments:
i'm not a hardass and my residents both respect me and love you. you base your opinions on one negative instance. true, some people do it for the money, but what have you done for money? i'm here and doing this because my RA made an impact on me, and i want to make RU an good experience for freshmen. and i love what i do. but damnit, RAs are people too. and we need respect like anyone else. and april, RAs aren't universal, each school has different requirements and rules for thier RAs. you don't know what you're talking about.
there is a time to joke, and a time to laugh, and a time to grow up.
Name: april Comments:
get your head out of jeff's ass beeyotch
Comments:
ya know... i think maybe all yall need to look at one fundamental thing... RA's aren't exactly the most respected peopel on campus.. but they don't need people like this discreditign them.. yeah people smoke pot on campus... yeah peopel do shit that isnt' right.. but hell give htem a break.. and respect your RA's... and April.. sticking up for your boyfriend is really nice and all.. but don't judge people that take their jobs seriously as anal.. it's making an unfair judgement about someone you don't know
Name: Bryan Comments:
The RA who commented below seems to reinforce all my negative thoughts about RA's- too hard-assed to laugh at themselves, and not here to help, but rather for the free room and board-tennants be damned.
Name: Fundamentalist Muslim Comments:
This article offends me. I'm declaring a jihad against it. Fear me western infidels.
Name: April Comments:
I found it funny. I may not go to RU but I do live in a dorm here at UT. As far as RA's "keeping the peace" here, that has to be the funniest thing I've ever heard. I'm not saying all RAs are bad b/c some aren't. This piece was for fun, a joke, haha, funny. Don't be so anal. Learn to laugh at things even if it means laughing at yourself every now and then. Anyone who takes this seriously has some major issues and some major growing up to do. If you want to make it in life you can't freak out about silly stuff such as this.
Name: Anonymous Whimster Comments:
Hey buddy, I still live in a dorm. A few people around here (who will remain anonymous) toke the bong like there's no tomorrow.
It's obvious what goes on, and the RA doesn't give a flying f***. This ode to the RA is NOT distasteful. It's freakin true.
Comments:
I do find this piece a little distasteful. while i understand it was a joke... i think you found the wrong people to joke on. For those of us who still live in the dorms, RAs are the ones who keep the peace and deserve a little respect. A joke or not, i think you were in the wrong. But then again, it seems that you don't know what's funny and whats not...
Name: Someone Who Knows Comments:
Seems you got the color a bit wrong there son.
Comments:
I'll echo Korte's comment from last week: If you haven't offended someone in your lifetime, you have not yet lived. Apparently we at Whim are living a helluva lot.
Name: jen Comments:
very nice graphic, katie :)
Comments:
rude and disrespectful? um, take the hula-hoop out of your buttcrack and please relax. whim = fun. :). we come in peace.
Comments:
self-rightous assholes
Comments:
"that damn whim is f****** bull, it's so stupid and those dumbasses
don't
know what they're doing. i don't know why they waste their time. whim's not even a real magizine." haha it's just a joke
Name: Jeff, Katie, Steve Comments:
Addendum re: This entire thing was a joke. This did not happen. It was an attempt to be stupid and we succeeded. And damn if it didn't feel good. If you honestly think we mean what we said here, seek help...and fast.
Name: Jeff Year: Senior Major: English Comments:
I know, ain't it grand?
Name: the ra Comments:
this is rude and disrespectful. have you no human decency? especially you, jeff, who have friends that are resident assistants. you're disgracing us and taking away part of our creditability. it's a hard enough job without being attacked. i can not believe the immaturity your writing has succumbed to.
Name: Shaun Year: Grad Major: English Comments:
Nope, it was all that whiskey.
Comments:
Is this why Poe ended up face-down in a ditch?
