You people and your precious political correctness. You never think about whom it's quite incorrect to! Imagine this: the whole country has to stop saying "Bless You" when someone sneezes. The government, having raped away freedom like a bully yanking Snickers bars from your Halloween jack-o-lantern, has regulated the human body function of sneezing, or at least how people react to it.

The ACLU would start it all. "The practice of saying Bless You favors Christianity over other strong religions in this country, such as Vedic sky god Hinduism, Zorostrianism, and Druidism. Secularly, this phrase could be found offensive due to its close association with such phrases as 'Bless Off,' 'Blessed Up' and 'I want to Bless You all night long.' Naturally, one can say 'Bless You' in the privacy of his/her home, but methods of coercion such as snuff and ground pepper may not be used to cause mass repetition of the aforementioned phrase, for someone could be offended."

Companies like Pfizer and Johnson & Johnson would be head over heels for increased sales of nasal spray, decongestants and Breathe Right strips. "You know, we never did buy into that whole spirit-leaving-your-body crap," they might say. "I believe my mother burning every single Mother Goose book I had was the best thing that ever happened to me, because I can concentrate on what's real and if I can't see it under my microscope it just isn't there. As a corporation devoted to family values, we feel that make-believe is just ethically wrong. With all the funds we are receiving from increased sales of over-the-counter drugs and antibiotics, the Interzone Pharmaceutical Company can now begin work on Blockex, the world's first sneeze suppressant! Side effects may include cracked ribs, pierced lungs, bleeding noses, flatulence, and mild cases of spontaneous combustion. Do not take Blockex under the influence of Bat Mitzvah or excommunication, but, believe me, Blockex is for everyone!"

With such scientific advances, the number one cause of emergency room visits is no longer cutting your finger on an uncooperative bagel, but "holding it in," especially among those who are not Christian, but mingle with those who are. "I can't sneeze," a young Jewish boy may say as nurses glue him back together, "because Jimmy O'Connor may try to convert me!"

There could indeed be well-wishing, uttering crusaders picketing outside of Congress and CVS with crucifixes around their necks and signs in their hands, saying, "Matthew would Ah-choo" and "Allergy Season is Near! Repent!"

Perhaps it wouldn't be allergy season, but a big meteor that lands somewhere in the Saharan desert when the winds are just right, salty sand permeating the nasal passages of millions of Americans. The pressure would be too much! Every person in America would be heaving sneezes of relief, because that meteor was just the little one, the big one is on the way, and no one in the whole blessing country gives a flying bless anymore.

Name: Jeff
Comments:
Very intelligent response. Just everyone know that this is an April Fool's article. Don't take it too seriously *wink*

Name: Bonzo
Comments:
We live in an often overly PC time where it seems that everyone is bending over backwards trying not to offend their neighbor. However, if anyone in their right mind is actually offended when someone says, “bless you” after a sneeze… its preposterous. However, in rebellion to my Roman Catholic roots, I have opted to say things like, “salud” (meaning “to health”) or the German (pardon my spelling) “Gahzuntheight” when people sneeze. That whole business about “the spirit leaving your body” is a time honored and essentially a Native American belief, yet it is debatable. Its ultimately up to the individual to say, or not say, whatever they want after a sneeze. After all, we do live in a country that prides itself on freedom of speech and religion. So the next time someone blows one out the shnoz, you can feel free to say, “May the force be with you” or even, “Watch where you point that thing!”

Name: Jeff
Comments:
Way to end the funnies, Wisdom :-D

Major: Wisdom
Comments:
Say "God Bless You" only if you really mean it. Freedom of Religion means you can say whatever you want. A Hindu can say "Vishnu bless you," and it doesn't affect me. (OH NO! We musn't offend anyone!)...panty-waist liberal communists...

Comments:
ouch....then you feel as if your nose is blocked up or something....

Name: Blitzkreig!!
Comments:
Uh... Gezuntiecht? Seriously, though... if you apply pressure upon the area of your nose (right after the bone) you can stiffle a sneeze. I say we do away with sneezing altogether!

Name: Spider Monkey
Comments:
"Ahem. Being a member of ACLU I am slightly taken back by your article. Yes, indeed we find saying "God Bless You" (my apologies to the Slug God Worshippers) offensive but we are willing to let it stay in place if we can have when people fart they say, " Bush in 2001".