Late last week scientists from the Ah-choo Institute reported that they are continuing research on the leading cause of death in the country, Natural Causes. As stated by Dr. Gesundheit of the Ah-choo Institute, “Natural causes are taking too many lives and something desperately needs to be done about it.”

As of yet there is no cure for Natural Causes, or more commonly called in the medical field, NC. Scientists have found very little on what causes NC. “Senior citizens seem to be at the greatest risk for NC.” Stated Gesundheit. Early symptoms include gray hair, loss of vigor, memory loss, loosing teeth, wrinkles, the urge to tell younger folks that they have no respect for anything, and overall fuddy duddiness. The symptoms get worse as victims get older.

Scientists are not sure if NC is contagious or not. It has been noted that more and more residents of nursing homes are leaving because of NC everyday. “First poor Mildred got NC, then Lester was afflicted with it also, and I think Beatrice is coming down with it now. I only hope I don’t catch it before they find a cure for it. I’d rather die then catch that ol’ NC!” Stated a Mr. Herbert Stickinthemud,* who has been living at the Old Fart Nursing Home for the past five years.

Make sure you and loved ones check for symptoms of NC before it’s too late. As soon as you see signs of Natural Causes call your doctor and make an appointment for a thorough exam. Early detection is the best way to help prevent NC and help researchers find a cure. *Herbert Stickinthemud suddenly died of Natural Causes only a week after interviewed for this article. Whim sends its best regards to the Stickinthemud family.