In Defense of Mayonnaise This summer two friends of mine were in Subway. They didn't order anything; they were just content to watch me eat. The Sandwich Artist behind the counter asked me what I would like on my sub. "Just mayo. A little extra if you don't mind." The expression on my friends face immediately turned to disgust. "What?" I inquired. "I hate mayonnaise. It's disgusting," one of them replied. The other just looked at me for a minute. This isn't the first time I've had to deal with people's prejudice against mayonnaise, their questioning and outright insulting of my choice of condiments. As a matter of fact, I deal with it quite often. Thank goodness for bulldog skin. "Oh, it's just egg fat and stuff," people tell me. So? Bologna and beef franks are made up of a potpourri of meat products, maybe even dead rats, and people eat them anyway. Egg fats and stuff are more gross than that? Mayonnaise adds flavor to everything. It's just like Mrs. Dash, only it's creamy and spreadable. I like nothing more than to go to Burger King and order me a greasy ole' Double Whopper with cheese and only mayonnaise, biting into it, and tasting that zing that only mayonnaise can provide. It adds pep to your sandwiches and taste to your tuna. It adds more flavor to your hot dog than mustard, which, by the way, is the milk from Satan's udder. Why does everyone hate mayonnaise? Between you and me, I can't figure out why. Simply put mayonnaise rules. |
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