After hours of arm-wrestling, Tim the Life Section Manager and I have compiled a list of the Ultimate Christmas for little Johnny America. That is, if the little %*&@! has been spoiled rotten. By the way, these are in no particular order.

1. Playstation 2 If you haven't sold your kidney to the mafia for this, you will.
2. Delux DVD 2000 Player Read Steve's Tapes Go to Hell article and find out why. Or, get a PS2 and kill two birds. Stone optional.
3. NOMAD Jukebox, or NOMAD II Mp3 player The Jukebox's 6 gig hard drive equals 150 CD's. Try carrying that with you to the Christmas gala.
4. Fugifilm FinePix 40i Digital Camera Save the planet by not using chemicals and paper, hippie!
5. Klipsch Romedua V.2-400 THX Certified Sub woofers I'm told this gently massages your ear drums and blows your hair back, not to mention cleaning out sinuses.
6. Seiko SMA113 Kinetic Auto Relay Watch. It's powered by kinetic motion, can sit in suspended animation for four years, and even sets itself! So now you have an excuse to shake that thang.
7. Night Owl Explorer Pro NOCX5 Monocular Night Vision Scope Now you can spy on those damned black op elves at midnight!
8. Philips High Definition Flat Television Honey, where did you hang the TV?
9. Garmen E Trex Global Positioning System Maybe I can find the TV with this.
10. EchnoScout Phazer/Phantom (A no-no in CA, MN, OK, VA, and DC) As if being illegal in four states and one district isn't enough to keep those pesky police from scanning you...
11. Palm Pilot 3C Make it your pet. Name it George.
12. Jaguar XKR Convertible Yeah, maybe... hey, it only costs your soul or your first and second born children!
13. Virtual Doll (just for Corely) I'm not touching this one...but Corely might.
14. Key Tronic Fingerprint Password Scanner Save all passwords as a fingerprint? It would be a lot cooler if the damned thing gave you your finger back when it was done with it.
15. P4 System Satan's got one.... I mean, Santa's got one.
16. Cellphone or Mobile Phone Now you're done talking into your calculator, everyone on the world can reach you no matter where you are or what important silly little thing you are doing. Don't you feel special?
17. Maxtor 80-Gig Hard Drive Now you can maintain that porn database you've always wanted.
18. Microsoft Sidewinder Voice Commander Mr. Gates owns you. Now when your computer talks back at you, you can talk right back at it. You go girlfriend!
19. Security Planet 34100 Stun Gun Tazer Gah! I'm in the Bathtub! Get that thing away from me! OOOOOOOH..I feel all warm, fuzzy, and melted inside!
20. Digital Innovations SkipDoctor Damage of your CD's can ruin the Frat Party. Let the dogs out by fixing the minor scratches.