Last summer, The Blair Witch Project opened in theaters and was a massive success. As all of you know, the movie was supposed to have been footage of an ill-fated expedition by a trio of young film makers into the woods of Maryland. You were supposed to believe that it was real, but, of course, it wasn't. The movie, loved by few and loathed by many, was a resounding success.

This past summer, CBS unveiled Survivor, a game show unlike any other on TV at the time. Taking real people and putting them into an environment where they must learn to fend for themselves, the show was a smash hit. Millions of people tuned in week after week to see the island inhabitants' fun-loving antics.

So it was only a matter of time before someone got the bright idea of putting the two together. I give you MTV's Fear. The premise of the show is this: six young, photogenic people are placed into a supposedly "haunted" environment, which changes with each episode. They must spend two nights there, completing a series of "dares," or tasks which must be completed before they can leave. The contestants are given a variety of equipment to complete their tasks with: hand-held cameras, night vision goggles, sound equipment, electro-magnetic and infrared sensors. These junior-league Ghostbusters have the option of leaving if it becomes too much for them, but, if they do, they forfeit the prize money: three thousand dollars.

Of course, you're supposed to believe that all of this is real, the producers even flash up a message at the beginning telling you so. Yet this show is so fake, and you can tell that these "contestants" are actually actors. Throughout the pilot episode, "Derek," one of the participants, kept going off on these philosophical tangents about the nature of fear. They obviously sounded scripted, and his delivery was so wooden that I would have wound up laughing in his face if I had been one of the contestants.

The producers want to you be afraid, and they want you to fear for these brave, intrepid souls. Yet throughout most of the program, I found myself either laughing myself stupid or just wanting to jump in the screen and throttle somebody. For this particular episode, the contestants had to spend two nights in the abandoned West Virginia State Penitentiary, supposedly one of the most haunted places in America. One cast member, "Aaron," was charged with going into the electrocution chamber and removing the tarp off of the chair. It was supposed to be suspenseful, yet it came across as quite humorous. Apparently the other team members thought so too; they couldn't contain themselves. Then there was "Lauren," a young woman who practiced witchcraft and called herself "open" to the spirit world. After five minutes into her "dare," she folded like a lawn chair. "Oh God, I want to go home," she sobbed in the prison, in a scene that reminded me way too much of Heather Donahue's final monologue in The Blair Witch Project.

Then there were parts of this show that were just plain cheesy, the character's dialogue aside. The final dare of the program called for Derek to go into the electrocution chamber, sit in silence for fifteen minutes and use his equipment to investigate any paranormal activity. Of course, there was an infrared camera rigged in the room to record Derek sitting there (on the other end of which was probably a team of cameramen, the director, producers, grips, boom mike operators and Wink Martindale with a check to give to Derek to go back to school to take acting lessons). Fifteen minutes pass, and Derek successfully completes the dare. The other team members, who were waiting outside for him, inform him over the walkie-talkie that he can come out now. They hear nothing and try contacting him again. Again nothing. The camera in the electrocution room, where Derek was sitting, shows nothing. Concerned for him, the team sets off to look for him. Just as soon as they get outside, guess who comes running up? Yup, Derek. He took off without telling anyone, just to play a joke on his team members. Now you may insert groan here. Honestly, if anything bad had happened to Derek, do you think MTV would have showed it? They would have been so up to their neck in insurance claims and lawsuits it wouldn't have been funny.

After all was said and done and the prize money was awarded, we were treated to even more cheesy philosophical ruminations on the nature of fear. By this point in the program I had lost complete interest. It's a safe bet I won't be tuning in next week.