When’s the last time you really listened to what your roommate had to say? Do you pay attention when your RA has an announcement? Do you hear the things your crazy friend down the hall screams late at night over a megaphone? If you answered yes to any of these questions, then you know that college students say the darndest things. When thousands of people deprive themselves of sleep, spend too much time studying, and give up all hopes of acting normal, you will start to hear things that you never thought possible.

How many times has your roommate been so tired that he or she complained, "I’m so tired I could sleep with a horse!"? One too many times, I’ll wager. And who has really experienced living in a dorm until some lunatic screams, "I have a raging case of herpes, and I know where my father’s gun is!", over a megaphone early in the morning? I tell you, these are the real experiences of college. Even replies to simple questions become garbled when you enter the world of college. "Hey Jess, you want to go grab something to eat?" "No thanks." "Why not?" "Because I turned the TV off, and now I have to go to the bathroom." Personally, I suggest leaving the room at this point, because getting an understandable response is more difficulty than it’s worth.

College speech gets more understandable and infinitely more odd when you start asking people about their dating habits. "Bringing anyone home from the party tonight?" "No, I don’t know anyone here, but, if I wanted to, I could. My roommate is never home, so step number 2 to dating is already taken care of." "What’s step number 1?" "Oh, that’s to find a woman that doesn’t hate you. Maybe I should take out an ad in the paper saying that step number 2 is already taken care of. Do you think that would help?" While the logic of the conversation makes complete sense, it’s still something you never expect to hear anyone actually say.