10. Waterboys' subservience at nice restaurants. Too many times I have either stuffed my napkin in the water glass or I have threatened those clean cut kids with a steak knife because I am sick of drinking their chemical-infested water to be polite.

9. Mayonnaise. One word. YUCK.

8. Apple juice. Two words. YUCK TWICE. Cider may look like floodwater but, good grief, it tastes soooo much better.

7. Ford vehicles. Ford is an acronym for Fix O Repair Daily. At only 55,000 miles, the entire steering rack on my mother’s 1998 Ford Windstar must be replaced. There is more plastic on the interior of a Ford Ranger than in the aisles of Wal-Mart.

6. The RU Access Program. I (beep) have (beep) not (beep) found a (beep beep) nice thing to (beep) say about this (beep) system. One RANT has been ADDed.

5. Loud chewing. Do you think I want to hear you liquidate that banana in your mouth?

4. The Tommy Hilfiger mentality. For all those logos, they should be paying the people who buy that junk to wear it.

3. Stereotypes. Just because I have a lot of cats, I like flowers, and I listen to Queen does NOT mean I am gay. Neither does my CELEBRATE DIVERSITY bumper sticker.

2. Bible thumping. The last time I checked, the human mouth is smaller than the Bible. Therefore, stop trying to cram it down peoples’ throats! Especially if they are not going to swallow, let alone open up!

1. Trying to tell me what the Ultimate Truth is. You do not know it. I do not know it. My professors do not know it. NO ONE knows it. If you tell me “what I am supposed to believe,” I can promise you that I will laugh in your face and then verbally kick your ass. Don’t ever mess with this poet.