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Dear Nikki Deals with Abortion
Nikki Merritt | Staff Writer

Dear Nikki, My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months. We had sex without a condom a few times and now I am pregnant. I don't know if I could live with an abortion and so I think I might have this baby. My boyfriend is pressuring me to get rid of it. He says that if I don't that we could get married, but I don't want to do that because I know we're not in love. I couldn't spend the rest of my life feeling trapped. I can't tell my parents, they'll kill me. I am a mess and I can't take it anymore.

Anonymous with Child

Dear with Child,

I don't want this to sound like a harsh lecture but I am afraid that I am going to have to set a few things straight. First of all, what are you doing even thinking about having sex in a non-committed relationship? The fun loving days of the sixties are over baby doll, and I'm afraid that all that free love comes with quite a heavy price, as you now well know. Sex is no longer a casual thing. It may feel great for a short while, but there are a lifetime of consequences that can follow it. You are lucky it is a baby and not the end of your mortal life that you are dealing with here. I cannot tell you whether or not to get an abortion. That is a decision you will have to weigh heavily. I will not make my advice to you an issue over pro choice or pro life; it would be unethical to influence you with my own beliefs. Either way, this is a serious hole you have dug for yourself.

The psychological consequences of an abortion can be devastating. If you have this baby you are no longer the master of your own life. Parent hood is a trade in for your freedom. The child should always come first. I truly feel for you because you haven't even begun your own life. You are a baby yourself and I would guess by the actions that lead you to this situation not mature enough to raise a child. This man doesn't sound as committed as I think you would like to believe he is. For your sake and the child's (if you keep it) I hope I'm wrong.

It is funny that you mention not wanting to be trapped in a loveless marriage, but anyway you cut the cake, trapped is what you are. You cannot afford to get emotional and "not take it anymore," part of being a big girl and having sex is dealing with the morning after. Your parents may not be there to support you, and you need to be prepared for that. But you do not have the luxury to be weak in this situation, it is not just your life that hangs in the balance at this point. The unfortunate thing about young girls having babies out of wedlock is that ultimately because the child occupies their body they are often the ones left holding the bag.

For more options I would suggest first off you see a doctor to monitor the baby's health and yours. See a clinic in the area and ask one of the Planned Parenthood counselors to help you find some options and aid you in your decisions. Educate yourself and explore every avenue, contemplate every consequence in a potential decision. You were careless enough to come to this point, I hope you are thoughtful in how you choose to handle the situation from now on. Any way you look at it your life is changed forever, no matter what you do. The question is which option you choose will allow you to live with yourself. Of course above all should be considered the best thing for this baby. A life inevitably riddled with instability, secured but emotionally distressed if adopted, or none at all.

Responses:
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Name: Controversy Hater
Comments:
The after-affects of abortion can be devastating to women. Without preaching too much, I would recommend that a woman really make a good decision based on HER OWN research of options...not one from an abortion doctor. Gee...which option are they going to lean you towards? Hmm... let's see... Give birth and put the kid up for adoption, or have an abortion so I can feed my family and take that vacation to Rio DeJaneiro... hmm... that's a tough one! Women out there in this situation: Make your judgement call, make it fast, make a good one, make one you won't regret, but be informed about your choices from an unbiased source if at all humanly possible. I agree with Nikki- either way, your life is going to change. Make a change you can live with.

Name: jeff
Comments:
Abortion is such a touchy subject, but here is my take on things: The government should have NO SAY WHATSOEVER in what a woman does with the events inside her body. Hasn't this "government" we call democracy invaded our lives enough? Also, a woman should make the decision herself. There should be outside forces in the decision making, but those forces should be limited to the father of the child, close friends, and family. No groups, especially anti-abortion groups who kill abortion clinic doctors and ironically call themselves "pro-life," should have any say in what women should do with the child inside of them. A bumper sticker or an ad at a bus stop is not as effective as one may think. Personally, I think a woman who is pregnant and does not wish to keep the baby should give birth but then give the child up for adoption. That's just my personal take, I don't think it means much in the long run.