Condom Review

A Critical Guide to Choosing a Condom, Part I

On assignment from Whim, I was tasked to do research on Condoms. I needed to gather my own data, so my Fiancee and I went to work so we could bring you this critical guide to choosing a condom. Remember that abstinence is the best way to prevent pregnancy and venereal disease, but if you are going to have sex, then please use a condom.

What follows is the first part of a one-month study on condoms. The second part will come after spring break where we plan to do most of our research. In addition to the condoms featured in this article, we plan to cover Sheik, Ramses, formex and Saxon. Anyone know where I can find these?

Lifestyles:

Spermicidally Lubricated: The hands down favorite rubber at Planned Parenthood centers. Not the strongest or the best lubricated, but the fact that Lifestyles can usually be obtained for about a dollar a dozen makes them extremely popular. This is also the brand of condoms we have here at Radford. If you go to the Student Health Center in Moffett Hall and ask for them, they will give them to you for free. The trick to safe use of these is to check the expiration dates.

Extra strength Spermicidally Lubricated: The spermicidal lubricant makes this an acceptable rubber for vaginal use, but the extra strength latex also makes this an excellent choice

Ultra sensitive Lubricated: Above average durability for an extra thin condom. More like wrapping up in a facial tissue.

Ultra sensitive Spermicidally Lubricated: Offers a generous amount of Nonoxynol-9 and decent strength for an ultra sensitive condom.

Trojan:

Ribbed: The textured ribbing on this premium condom is well suited for standard vaginal penetration. The non-lubricated nature of this rubber means you are guaranteed to lose some pubic hair during the insertion/removal process.

Extra strength: Practically bullet proof, even the most hearty AIDS spores will have a tough time fighting their way across this barrier. The sensitivity level, however, is similar to wrapping your unit in a steel belted radial.

Extra sensitivity: Excellent sensation, but about as strong as tissue paper. Reliance on this condom alone has no doubt resulted in innumerable unwanted pregnancies.

Natural lube ribbed: "Textured" for her supposed pleasure and lubricated with a "specially formulated" jelly. The ribs provide decent friction, but the jelly is no more effective as a lubricant than Smucker's Grape Jam.

Plus, Golden transparent: Basically the same as any other non-lubricated rubber, but the tinting makes it look like you pissed yourself in it.

Trojan ENZ:

Lubricated: Trojan ENZs are basically the same as regular Trojans, but with a small tip at the head. As far as I can tell, the tip is totally useless, but I've found that it does pop out like a nipple when the condom is filled. I believe this is offically called the " Reservoir Tip".

Spermicidally Lubricated: Although I've never had the pleasure personally, I'm told that the taste of the Nonoxynol-9 spermicide in this rubber is rather unpleasant.

Large: Approximately the same size as a Hefty trash bag. Some find a lot of comedy in carrying these in their purses and offering them to would-be suitors. Humiliation ensues when you try to fit your .38 Special cartridge in a .44 Magnum chamber.

Read Part II of our story.